Guest Post: Women Are Addictive - Beer Edition

[Editor's Note: So once upon a time I blogged about a meeting a guy at a friend's wedding. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I would end up becoming better friends with him, and - because I'm an unstoppable oversharer - I eventually sent him a link to this blog. Luckily he has a sense of humor. Anyway, I suggested he use his spare time and spare wit to write a little something something, and he did. So here you go. Gracias, Jim (Nasium).]

I have this friend. She has a blog. And on this blog, she hasn't written a nice thing about me, yet feels the need to let me know that I was mentioned. This led me to the question:

"Why am I even friends with you?"

Now this friend, let's just call her Lechar, claimed that maybe she's like a drug. Responsible for ruining millions of lives??? you may ask yourself... Smuggled in from Columbia??? you may wonder... Concocted in a bathtub in the Midwest??? I thought the exact same thing. Apparently she meant being addictive or something. Yeah. Anyway, that got me thinking about women of my life and how they mirror some mind-altering substances.

Beer:

Beer is the girl you can always count on. True girlfriend material. You've known her since you were a teenager and have had a borderline-pathetic dependency on her ever since. She'll always be there for you. She's never too moody, always the same, ready for a good time. Hard day at the office? She'll make you feel better, relaxed. You want to watch football and eat wings? She loves football and wings! You're funnier when you're with her and get a little emotional when she's gone. Sure, maybe the mystique isn't there anymore, but who cares? She's seen you in the shower, and she's seen you stutter like an idiot. Basically, she's seen you at your stupidest. And she still loves you. She is your rock. Oh and she's made your gut and face fat from being so awesome.

*Imported beers are fun, foreign girls that are generally the same as their American counterparts. Consistently great to be around, but they're more expensive and can smell weird. (USA! USA!)