But as my two year anniversary of living in the city approaches (Friday - Jan 15th!), I thought I'd take a little look at how my perspective has changed.
For awhile, I served as a pretty good TSF (token single friend) among a range of different social circles. Through this, I met a variety of guys. Who all worked in finance. Really diverse, obviously.
I've met the Cocky Models & Bottles FJO, the 30-year-old Peter Pan FJO, the New to the City FJO, the Self-Deprecating But Still A FJO, the ForeignJO, the You Get the Point FJO.
So after recently hanging out with some FoFJOs (friend of friend FJOs, please try and keep up) - a situation wherein a few months ago I would have been a TSF vying for a date - I've realized something watching it from the other side: just go ahead and judge that book by the cover.
I know you're not supposed to do this and yada yada, but after awhile, it just makes sense to become a bit of a Dating Profiler. It's more efficient.
During the summer (oh glorious summer, how I miss you and your weather forecast of “abundant sunshine” without today’s “but very cold” follow-up) I wrote about how dating in the city offered an overwhelming number of options.
Well apparently I’ve been here long enough that all the different guys I meet are slowly morphing into dating doppelgangers – strikingly similar versions of someone else I've met or dated. In my mind, due to certain characteristics and qualities, I just can’t get past how they're basically the exact same person as Guy So and So From That One Time.
Yes, he might seem nice, look good on paper, or fit the MPD mold, but things won't work out between us for the x, y and z reasons it didn’t work out with That Other Eerily Simliar FJO.
For example, I recently met a guy who seemed fairly interested in me even though he was aware I had a boyfriend. Although he was cute and nice - even if I were single - I wouldn't pursue anything because he is the exact same person as a guy I knew during the WBDB summershare days. Within an hour of hanging out, I knew it would never work out between us. For a reason, the same one that plagued his FJO doppelganger too.
A year ago, though, I would have subjected myself to a months' long due diligence process to come to this same conclusion. But now I've realized that if you know, you know - there's no reason to jump through the hoops unless you need the exercise. My advice? Join a gym instead.
As a reader who is looking for help in the New York dating scene, I find you generalizing guys a bit unfair. Sure, many guys are alike and they can overall be douchebags, but isn't that why we read this? To read about your horror stories?
ReplyDeleteLabeling people often comes across as being too lazy to want to meet someone new. You refer to the guy as a WBDB, and if he's pursuing you while he knows you have a bf, he may just be, or maybe he likes you, but you don't actually know someone from meeting them for an hour.
First, I just want to say thanks for reading and commenting! Second, I’ve decided to write a brief post about the blog, etc. now that more people than just my friends/family are starting to read it… hopefully it will give slightly better perspective as to where I’m coming from. And also own up to the fact that I'm full of crap.
ReplyDeleteAlso, to clear something up the WBDB label, it is specifically describing one guy (Jack) - who you can read about in some of my first blog posts. The guy I referred to in this post reminded me of a guy I met during that era. And, yes generalizing is lazy, but sometimes it's better to justify a reason to pass up an opportunity without much consideration (no reason to rock the boat...).
Thanks again for reading :)
- Rach
So the guy you recently met reminds you of someone from the WBDB era but not the WBDB himself? This is complicated! Well, either way, you seem to know what you're doing, I guess.
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing is you're happy, but I still don't think the generalizing (and telling you're readers to generalize!) is too smart, you may miss the good one.
And as far as not rocking the boat, if I hadn't rocked the boat I'd still be in NoWhere, USA. Sometimes you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette or something cheesy like that :)
Keep up the good work!