Well yours truly did a little qualitative dating research, some investigative digging if you will, to get some answers from single guys in the city.
You're welcome.
The two guys I grilled, I mean talked to about their personal lives, currently fall on different ends of the dating spectrum. One of the guys is on the more aggressive end; the other, on the, err, lazier. Dating is a lot of effort so I totally understand that end of things.
They're both nice, normal guys from good families. Unlike some serial bachelors (I've dated), they both want to settle down with the right person. It's just that neither has found her yet.
Guy A has a rotating roster averaging four ladies. Some phase in and out, some stick around for a few games. None are The One. Almost all are my age (he is approx. 8 years older). He seems to think that the 24 - 26 age range will be the pool from which he selects his perfect woman no matter how old he is when that time comes. Like Matthew McConaughey's famous line in Dazed and Confused, "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."
He made sure to note that his juggling of multiple ladies wasn't sleazy or undermining in anyway. I assured him lots of girls are doing the same thing. Serial dating is a game. Learn the rules and play by them, otherwise get out.
Tip: This is the kind of guy who you must play it cool with. Patience is a virtue. CGS is not. The thing to keep in mind is that you never really know where on the dating spectrum a guy falls. And no, you can't always tell. But, if he's aloof, makes plans spaced far enough apart that he could be fitting in a whole other life or two, he probably is. Take your number, sit down and wait your turn. Whether or not you're willing to hold out long enough to be the last (wo)man standing is up to you, but running to the front of the line and banging on the glass is going to get you nowhere but off his list.
Guy B isn't currently seeing anyone. Oh the effort involved in casual dating. Like, sorry I have a job and important TV shows to catch up on. But that doesn't mean he's not interested. He's just not suited up for the game right now. Injured reserves maybe?
Tip: This is the type you should go after. Not to change metaphors for the hundredth time in this post, but a slow moving animal is easier to catch. I mean, I think, but I don't actually know because I don't hunt. It just seems like you might have more luck getting the laid-back guy to fall into your boyfriend trap than the hustler. Okay, I'm just digging myself in a hole here. Girls are not that devious, I promise...
Here are a few more tidbits of insight to share:
- There's a difference between playing it cool and being indifferent. Don't let a guy take your attitude to mean you don't give a shit. Because then he won't give a shit either. Showing interest and respect isn't lame, it's refreshing.
- There is a communications hierarchy. Calling is the top level followed by text (or I guess BBM, but sorry I'm not in your stupid club so therefore I don't care...) then email then FB message. If a guy calls you, call him back. Responding with a text says 'ehhh you're not worth the effort to move my vocal chords. My thumbs are already nimble.' The same should be kept in mind of guys' efforts. If a guy who has your number sends you a FB message, go ahead and unfriend.
- Don't text like an insecure seventh grader. Texting can dumb down your communication skillz. If you include 'jk' or - God forbid - LOL in each of your messages, he's going to think you're a self-conscious moron. Just.Don't.Do.It. Also, asking "Who are you with?" in every correspondence is totally unnecess. Inquiring what group of people you're currently hanging with sounds superficial. And obviously girls are anything but... I guess "are you alone?" is kind of creepy to ask, but if that's the info you're after, think of a better way to find it out.
Okay, that's all I got. Hopefully it's helpful. And hopefully neither source will cut-off the tap to future insight.
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