Greetings again from the BFF. As promised I will now divulge into the gruesome world of…
THE FIRST DATE
But let’s first recap from our previous conversation together:
The main point to take from “The First Contact” is that if you don’t hear from a girl after texting her, don’t make numerous attempts to speak to her again. Do yourself a BIG favor and just delete her number so you can forget about everything and move on.
REMEMBER THIS: You are a lovely person, and she is too, but it’s just not in the cards for you to spend more time together. You want to be with someone who jumps at the opportunity to go out with you…right??
Now if she does respond within the 2 hour time limit, definitely consider asking her out (you know unless her response is something like THANKS FOR SPILLING WHISKEY ALL OVER MY $300 MARC JACOBS DRESS, ASS FACE).
If you hear back from her more than 2 hours later then it’s very likely that “she thinks you are a loser but she’s sort of a loser too so maybe she’ll meet you for a drink (aka not worth your time).”
I like so many newly single women fall into this category.
SIDE NOTE: Obviously I am not a loser but when your roommate has (well had) a boyfriend and you feel stupid for sitting around watching reruns of “Chopped” by yourself at night, you can easily convince yourself to go on a date with someone you have zero interest in. You ask yourself well “how bad could it really be?”
It’s pretty bad.
In my defense, however, I feel like I do a good job of showing my disinterest in the hour and a half that I let this new person into my weird BFF world. Sadly though, these silly guys are too distracted but what’s going on with this (my hand motions around my face) to catch on to my clues because they still text or even worse, CALL after the date.
So guys I’m going to tell you the signs to pick up on if you go out with a girl who you aren’t sure whether she’s interested.
First of all I am hoping that you are going out with a beautiful girl who looked very put together on the night of your meeting.
If on the first date she’s meeting you after going to the gym, SHE’S NOT INTERESTED. If she was interested she would have rushed home after work, spent 30 minutes primping, and would be smelling of an exotic perfume—not like she just left jump roping class.
Also check to see if she has any extra bags with her (aka her BAGGAGE…literally). If she’s interested she will have a cute TINY purse and not 3 bags of sweaty gym clothes and disgusting Tupperware. I personally make it a policy to have at least 2 bags on any date I’m going on where I don’t care.
Moving on, if she’s not wearing some sort of pretty shoe, SHE’S NOT INTERESTED. She doesn’t need to be wearing 6-inch heels but anything in the category of a flip flop, UGG, Crocs (I SERIOUSLY HOPE TO GOD NO ONE HAS EVERYONE WORN CROCS ON A DATE), Converse or running shoe means she does not care about having a successful date.
I once actually started a date in heels but after I realized I had no desire to ever see this person again I switched to flats when he went to the rest room. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THESE VERY IMPORTANT SIGNALS!
“So aside from personal appearance what are some other signals I should be on the look-out for, The BFF?”
Glad you asked.
Obviously if she’s texting or answering phone calls during your date, she’s not interested. Especially texting. Never trust a girl who looks at her phone, smiles, and puts it back in her purse without saying something like “Oh my roommate just saw Dustin Hoffman on Park Avenue.” If she doesn’t tell you why she’s smiling, SHE’S NOT INTERESTED.
If she starts every sentence with ‘We,’ it either means me and my ex or me and my girlfriends who I get so wasted with I don’t even know where I’ve spent the past 4 months. The ‘WE’ word means WE ARE NOT INTERESTED (and we might have a drinking problem).
If she keeps her legs crossed, her arms only move when she’s taking a sip of her drink, and she never lets you near her, SHE’S NOT INTERESTED. PLEASE, PLEASE do not EVER put your hand across the table for her to hold when you’ve ONLY MET THE PERSON ONCE BEFORE. OMG I’m beginning to feel very uncomfortable.
If she tells you about how much she goes out, how many shots she did last night, or how many times she’s woken up on the Brooklyn Bridge, SHE’S NOT INTERESTED (If you’ve woken up on the Brooklyn Bridge, call me…I want know how it happened!!!).
A girl wants a guys she’s interested in to think she is a perfect angel who is the very thing missing from his life. A girl who is interested will probably tell you about a charity event she went to for Cerebral Palsy…she probably got wasted there but if she’s interested in you, so she’ll keep that tidbit to herself.
I’ve given you some of the Tell-Tale signs that a girl’s not interested. Now while she might not be interested from the get-go, what are some things you can do to make her possibly decide to not not want to ever see you again?
First of all: DON’T BE LATE TO YOUR DATE. In fact arrive 5 minutes early. If she’s not interested from the beginning she’s certainly not going to be in the future if you are late. She will be PISSED she had to wait and look like some sort of loner freak at some freaky bar.
Conversely DON’T TELL YOUR DATE TO “HURRY UP” IF SHE IS RUNNING A FEW MINUTES LATE. Yes, it’s happened. Yes, this person has zero chance of ever finding love.
DON’T PREFACE YOUR DATE BY SAYING SOMETHING LIKE “ARE YOU READY FOR A ROMANTIC EVENING?” when it turns out that your idea of romantic evening is going to a Polish Weiner Beer bar (yuck!)
ALWAYS COME PREPARED. Don’t spend half of the time you meet talking about your Rolex watch and 3 Summer houses to show up at your date without any Cash at a CASH ONLY PLACE. You will never hear from this girl again.
DON’T GO ON A FIRST DATE THAT IS LONGER THAN AN HOUR AND A HALF. Get to know the girl then send her on her merry way so she can marinate you in her mind. If you spend too much time on the first date she will become bored of you. It’s science.
WHEN SHE SAYS SHE WANTS TO GO HOME, WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS: SHE WANTS TO GO HOME. Don’t beg for the girl to not leave. Tell her “Perfect timing! I’m supposed to meet a friend at this bar next door in 15 minutes.” This way she’ll wonder who this friend is and ask herself “why would this person plan to see me and a friend in one night?” And these questions will ultimately lead to SPARKING SOME INTEREST.
I hope this all makes sense to you.
So now you’ve been on the First Date, what’s next? If she did any of the above, DELETE HER PHONE NUMBER. If she was a nice girl, then…
Be on the look-out for the “Contact After the First Date” edition of this program…
ha ha oh the dating life! i have to say i do not miss it!
ReplyDelete