Yesterday I saw THREE people wearing white pants in the span of my fifteen minute commute. In my head I was all, OMG it's not even Memorial Day!? Then I realized it is May and nice weather, so maybe it doesn't matter? Here are a few tips, though, to keep in mind when rockin' the bold pantaloon choice:
- Do wear proper undergarments, i.e. not black granny panties.
- Don't forget to wear something underneath, skank.
- Do wear them if you're tan, the contrast makes you look even darker.
- Don't wear them if you've just applied fake tanner and are sweating in the dank subway humidity. The ol' bronzer tie-dye look is not sex-ay.
- Do bring a Tide pen with you in case of some accidental stainage.
- Don't even think about getting that red sno cone from the guy selling them on the street. It ain't going to end well, klutzy.
- Do wear them with confidence.
- Don't wear them if you're questioning whether or not you can pull them off. Because that means you prob can't. Sorrs.
- Do wear them if you want a divebar band in downtown Denver to serenade you with a song dedicated to the pants' awesomeness.
- Don't wear them if you're against being molested by the lead singer.
"White pants. White pants. White pants in the house tonight. White pants. Whiteeeeeeeeeeeee paaaaaants."
Yes, if you're keeping track, I have had two songs written about me. Hands down one of the most fun nights from last summer. [Note: S lives in Denver and needs to come visit me and The BFF soon for a reunion!!! I promise I will find us a place to go as awesome as El Chapultepec.]
Here are some pics from that legendary night.
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