How to Avoid the Awkward Back Touch

Over the years I’ve perfected a patented move to try and deter the awkward random back touch. You know what I'm talking about, right?

The unwarranted hand graze of a guy, typically landing on the small of your back, that makes your skin crawl. Not necessarily because the person is a skin-crawl-inducing human being, but because you just don’t want them touching you.

This move can come from total strangers, FoFs, formerly platonic friends, etc. In any case, no buddy, just no.

The first attempt to break this uninvited physical contact involves sticking out your chest and awkwardly trying to shimmy out of reach. Almost like you’re trying to hula hoop. Or like a wet dog shaking off water, in a slightly more discreet manor. Slightly.

Unfortunately some back-touchers are more persistent. Like, OMG did you coat your palms with super glue before you went out? Level Two of the dance is similar, just slightly more violent. Maybe throw in some arm-windmill action. That should get your point across and he'll get the hint to find another back to talk to.

If not, Level Three is just to physically run away. You tried to give him a polite out. That time is over.

And to all of you with touchable backs out there, good luck. The weather's getting warmer, you're wearing less clothing and your back is just getting all the more desirable.