Relationship Status Update II

In Annie Hall, Woody Allen says, “A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. “

That’s what The BFF told me last week. What a wise one, she is.

After a few awkwardly-timed convos coupled with some introspective soul-searching, J and I decided that romantic things with us have run their course. This might seem a little out of left field based on some of my recent stories about him. Things were going well for the short term, but life is a long time. And while neither of us really know what we want, it has become more apparent that it probably isn’t the same thing. Which, to be honest, sucks.

Anyway, I always roll my eyes when celeb couples release the obligatory “We broke up but will remain close friends” bullshit. Really, are you really going to be friends? Doubtful.

But for the first time maybe ever, I really hope we can stay friends. If not, I only wish him the best. (These are not my typical post-breakup sentiments, I promise you, because IAAB.)

From the beginning, our friendship connection has been strong. We have the same interests, like the same activities (e.g. food-focused or funny-focused). We could not have been more compatible, but maybe that was an issue in itself.

At the end of the day, the only thing I can compare us to are two puzzle pieces you just know are going to fit together. And then you see that tiny sliver of light, feel the rocking between them instead of the required solid fit. It’s just not meant to be. (Am I the only nerd who loves working puzzles? Only the ones that are doable, not ones that are stupidly hard. My patience does not need that kind of stress, I have I terrorism to worry about now, ugh.)

One thing we will have to look back on, though, have been our legendarily awesome breakups. If there was an Olympic sport for synchronized break-ups, we would dominate. I’m talking gold-medal winning, worthy of our own Subway sandwich endorsements and ABC Family movie of the week material. We’re just that good. Each time ended on friendly terms with a precision and routine that would make those ice dancers jealous. We even wore some sequins. Well, not me just him. Kidding.

Think about two competitive people who see the impending breakup doom lingering on the horizon. The relationship execution had been set. With the characters that we are, this scene could have gone down differently than it did, with us both running in shouting “It’s over; I said it first! I win!”

Breakup roulette if you will.

But no, for once in our lives we both acted like sincere adults. There’s a first for everything I guess.