Unfortunately this candid, quick and easy two-way communication has not yet been harnessed where I think it could be most helpful - dating – a terrain in serious need of cooperative feedback to help streamline the many complexities plaguing relationship building in our over-stimulated, attention-deficit culture. Casual dating lacks open and honest communication like Times Square lacks things I enjoy.
The perfect example of when the opportunity to solicit feedback would be invaluable: a guy goes radio silent after you think things had been going well. Out of nowhere you never hear from him again. Perhaps you went to his friend’s intimate birthday dinner with his close friends and their serious girlfriends (last Friday). He insists he wants to see you the following night only to not respond to your text. And then you don’t hear from him for awhile. Clearly things are fading out - it’s fine, it’s life, it’s FJO dating - but the nagging question of WHY will inevitably vex
While I’ve made a personal commitment to maintain fairly low, early-on expectations about guys I meet, the fact that this totally hypothetical situation could occur is irritating. This behavior from most guys wouldn’t really faze me, but seeing as how a certifiable member of MPD has fallen off the radar, I can’t help being a little perplexed…I mean, I WOULD feel this way if I found myself in this situation...
Now, I can be totally guilty of the same bullshit dating faux pas. Sometimes I don’t return calls, maybe it’s because I’m busy and I forget, maybe I don’t see the point since I know it’s not going anywhere. Whatever it is, it's bitchy; maybe he cares, maybe he doesn’t. But if a guy cared enough to straight up ask me why I abruptly ended things, I think I would respond. And maybe guys who blow off girls would too?
This is when a handy email survey, Facebook or iPhone app would be perf. A “So How Come You Just Weren’t That into Her/Him” quick questionnaire would save a lot of wondering.
The post-dining survey would be a great one to mimic:
We would appreciate your feedback about
Food?
Service?
Ambiance?
Noise?
Overall experience?
Ok, well maybe I’ll have to change a few of the categories, but you know what I mean.
Not that I’m suggesting public reviews of my dating or anything – this blog is clearly more than enough overshare to go around - but it would be nice to be able to discreetly solicit feedback after things end with a guy.
An outside third party could provide you with the closure – and valuable dating insight – that would help you go on with life without having to spend the next two weeks obsessing over WHY.
Yeah maybe he might make up an excuse, but at least it’s SOMETHING. Or maybe he will admit the reason he stopped talking to you is, in fact, the hidden insecurity you feared it to be, and you’re heart broken. But you will get over it. Because at least you know - at least the uncertainty is gone. Plus then you will learn that all those bullshit excuses you feed yourself (and your friends considerately feed you) are crap. Man up.
Although, since girls are crazy, this genius idea has a fairly high chance of back-firing. If his reasons aren’t deemed as acceptable excuses, a girl could send a million texts in retaliation. But I figure those girls are probably the same ones who would send a million text messages to inquire why he wasn’t calling them back in the first place.
Maybe this isn’t the worst idea?
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