Boyfriend Control – The Other B.C.

My mother used to say that all the babysitting I did was the best form of birth control. Boy was she right. I mean, not that I would have gotten knocked up in middle school, but spending countless weekends watching screaming babies, stubborn toddlers and unwieldy pre-schoolers gave me first-hand knowledge of how much trouble kids can be - especially if you’re not ready for ‘em. Before I get to my point, I would just like to congratulate myself for knowing, no matter how I F-up my life, I will never be a pregnant teenager. Wahoo.

Lately, though, I’ve started to get that same “Wow that looks terrible - I want no part of that right now” feeling when I witness some couples. Instead of birth control, it's boyfriend control - used to prevent unwanted relationships.

Yeah of course the sight of two love birds fawning all over each other makes me a little jealous, but so does seeing an adorable, giggling baby. But chances are, in five minutes, that baby will have thrown up on his mom’s shirt and is now in the midst of a giant screaming tantrum.

The same is true with relationships – they’re not all hand-holding and sweet kisses.


The awkward silent treatment at restaurants, where even as a bystander you can tell how miserably annoyed they both are with one another. A girlfriend screaming into her phone while standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Or, worst of all, like what I witnessed at a park with The BFF last night, a couple clearly breaking up. There’s nothing more tormenting. It looked like he was the one to pull the trigger. She looked fairly devastated. I was fairly devastated for her.

Listening to friends wax poetic about their dysfunctional relationships is other B.C. fodder. Not that I mind being a sounding board for friends to vet their problems – that’s what I’m hear for – but just that vivid trip down memory lane of being at a shitty place in your relationship...been there, do not miss that.

While being single can be lonely and full of plenty of its own drama and emotional scarring, it doesn’t involve the potential trauma of being let down by someone you love, being hurt or devastated if it doesn’t work out. You can’t dump yourself - it is the true, “for better or worse, sickness and in health” relationship.

And for the time being, I’m pretty content. It’s up to me to make me happy. And the reminders of the bad parts of dating – like being stuck with a colicky baby for an entire evening – make me think that I might be better off on my own until the time is right and I know I’m ready to fully commit to the responsibility.