The Fear

A few weeks ago I had a thought: When did you start making things so damn complicated? Seriously, living in New York has turned me into that wishy-washy-will-she-wont-she annoying girl you roll your eyes at on TV. (Carrie Bradshaw, Rachel Green, I'm looking at yall.)

There's a million issues that can pop up in your head during the span of time between getting to know someone and things starting to lead toward The Talk. Is this worth my time? Does he think I'm hot? Is he forever going to be a chronic man child? But if you both pass each other's prerequisite tests, then you realize that you like him and he likes you.

And that's when the real trouble starts. It's that second you let yourself relax enough to start making plans for the future (e.g. two weeks from now). It's the moment you realize you would actually be sad if this ended. (And of course, that time you start blogging about your happiness.)

This is a Houdini Disappearing Act
I could support.

Then the fear arrives. What if this is it and it's over? you think when he hasn't texted you. It's starting to set in: the Houdini Paranoia. The Wham, Bam, See Ya Ma'am Disappearing Act.

While I understand and condone the brush off method for casual things, a month plus of consistent dates deserves something more than just letting things fade into the abyss. 

And that's where I am now. Jaded from past experiences and fearful it will turn out the way I've seen it go before. (Oh, then there's the whole putting it out there for the world to judge that adds another level of fear.)

So we shall see.

(P dot S: I received an Intervention Email from My Fairy Godmother today. After this, I promise I will stop live-blogging this Person of Interest...for the mean time. I know she has my best interests at heart. She's a wise lady ;)