I Didn't Ask What Your Friends Are Doing This Weekend...

[Ed. note: The following is a generic annoyance experienced frequently in the early stages of relationships, not a slam against J's friends. If anything I enjoy hanging out with them - especially when they're simultaneously devouring philly cheese steaks AND a bucket of wings - because they liven up the conversation ...and make me feel better about eating half of a cake. Yes that was last night. Yes it was a poor idea in hindsight, but it was FUNFETTI! You practically burn off all the calories because it's so FUN! Yes, that is science.]

Ever start a new relationship with your dream guy only to find out that you're basically dating all his friends too? Each time you try to make plans, the answer is always, "I don't know, I have to see what my friends are doing."

Ugh. You didn't ask what his friends were doing. You asked what he was doing.

And whenever you do manage to lock-down a legit date night for the two of you, he looks like a sad little left out puppy. Because OMG what if his friends are doing something totally amazing and he's missing all the fun.

Obviously, though, they're not doing anything historically awesome. Depending on their token group activities, maybe they're playing video games, maybe they're watching the game, maybe they're having a massage train (I don't know? Anything's a possibility.).

Or maybe he gets nervous about your ulterior motives, convinced you're devising a plan to steal him away from his boys. What does he think you're going to do, relationship waterboard him into whipped-boyfriend submission or something? What a baby. Hanging out with his lady friend should not be torturous.

It's just one of those differences between the sexes in the early stages of dating. Girls tend to get clingier, more relationship-focused. We want to know what we are doing this weekend. And figuring out something as relatively simple as that can be infuriating when the answer is, "I gotta talk to my friends first."

And while you're doing this, he's like kids in Jurassic Park backing away slowly from T-Rex. It can't see you if you're standing still.

Eventually, though, if the relationship moves forward and gains momentum, you'll both get into a groove, a combination of you calming down your control-freak tendencies and him realizing he wants to make you a priority. He will hopefully start to automatically consider you and your feelings, and will fall into the routine of comparing schedules to fit each other in.

I think one of the best early signs of a good relationship is when a guy asks, "So what are we doing this week?"

Music to my ears.

Just a little consideration is all that's needed. Your goal isn't to cut him off from his friends (nor should you ignore your own), but a relationship is a new, common ground entity. You have to learn it's not just you, and for a selfish creature of habit like myself, it can be hard.

But when it all seems to find itself in place, happiness follows.