You Control the Message

So I went ahead and figured out one of life's great dating mysteries. It only took me years of countless conversations, some introspective insight and brief mathematical analysis to check it off the list. You're welcome. What riddle is it that I've solved?

Why no one likes your boyfriend.

Well, not your boyfriend. And def not my boyfriend (because really, who doesn't like J? I have to describe the scene I witnessed last night when we stopped by his local, gourmet grocery store: within a matter of seconds of our entrance, ALL six guys behind the deli/prepared food counter shouted his NAME! Seriously, it was like escorting a Jonas brother through a New Jersey mall or Robert Pattinson through my old apartment; I've never seen anything like it. Before he could even order a half-pound of honey maple turkey, someone had already started slicing it up for him. I'm dating a Citarella rockstar. Apparently it was the 'perfect storm' of all the employees who know him, but ohmygod it was surreal slash hilarious. I guess that's what happens when you pick up dinner there every night for like seven years.).

I digress.

Back to the issue: why your friends might not think your BF is as great as you think he is. Or why you don't think your BFF's BF is that great. 

At one time or another, Every girl ever complains about her significant other (and the same is prob true with guys about their GFs  - obv not me 'cause I'm perf). It is normal to vent - that's a reason why we have friends - but when you're only sharing the negative/annoying/eye-rolling aspects of your relationship then your friends will use that to base their opinion of your BF.

While you might gush about the cutesy nicery in the beginning, that sort of "good" overshare tends to end with the Honeymoon Phase. Eventually relationship updates switch from "Oh he did something so sweet" to "Ugh, can you believe he did this?!"

I advise you to make an effort to balance out your BF stories if you want your friends to be supportive of your relationship and offer sound advice when needed. If you talk about his good qualities more often, then they will be much more likely to help you see when you are *possibly* overreacting about something silly instead of just offering up a "He sucks" blanket conclusion.

On the flip side, I also suggest taking this into account in your role as a friend. While you might not think too highly of the guy your friend has chosen to be with, you might just not really have a genuine perception of him as a boyfriend. Chances are you have no idea what goes on in your friends' relationships when you're not around (unless you are a creepy stalker, in which case that is uber weird). It's sort of like reality TV - editing and splicing up clips typically creates the drama. You're your own producer.

Speaking of reality TV, here's a great example, and also another reason to talk about my fav TV show the Kardashians (seriously, I need to get some other hobbies). Kourtney's boyfriend slash baby-daddy Scott is a total suit-wearing FJO minus the F, portrayed on the show, for the most part, as the Anti-Christ. Kourtney's family knows he's sort of a screw-up, and compared to her sisters' professional athlete arm candy, he gets hated on constantly. But occasionally he manages to come off as a sweet/nice guy who genuinely cares about Kourtney. This side of Scott has been shown more now that there's a baby in the picture (minus that horrible drunken Vegas season finale - ugh that was terrible). A few moments caught on camera prove that he does have redeeming boyfriend qualities and another (slightly less douchey) side to him. But without "witnessing" this yourself, you would probably never believe it. AKA how I felt last season.

So if you're friend is dating a guy who you think of as a Scott, remember that he must have another side to him too if you're friend loves him. It's not your job to be his biggest fan, just know there's another side to the story.

And, since I know we all have super short attention spans because we were raised on TV and Crack (oh I meant sugar, not real crack in case you were curious, because even though I went to public school and rode the school bus I was not raised in the ghetto), I will remind you again that you control the message about your own BF. No, you don't need to Twitter a daily looove montage recap about your happiness, but occasionally praising the sweet thing your beau did for you in front of your friends will help them know why you're with him.

Oh that reminds me, in a gallant effort that spanned multiple stores in the West Village, J managed to track down a Reese's Dark Chocolate peanut butter cup for me since he knows how much I've wanted to try this pinnacle of perfection. See, what a sweet BF. And, see food really is the way to my heart.