Namedropping: Way Cooler If You're the One Doing It

364 days of the year, I hang out with commoners. Well, bitches, last night I stepped it up to the big time.

Let's make a short list of things I love:

1) Exclusive functions
2) Passed hors d'oeuvres
3) Celebrity sightings
4) Open bar
5) Buffets

Oh, what do you know, last night included all of those things. Plus, free popcorn and Diet Coke! And an invitation to a private after party at Chuck Bass' Empire Hotel. What do I have to show for it? A headache. And a picture of me with a celebrity!

Now that you're already super jealous, I guess I should tell you what exactly you should be jealous of!

Well, because I know people - by people I mean J's lululemon-wearing roommate Frank's awesome sister (who is legit people) - I scored an invite to the premiere of Brooklyn's Finest.

Having never been to a movie premiere, I was excited just to go see the film. But it gets better. When you live by the Snoozing Equals Losing mantra, you tend to be aggressively early to events such as this. After securing our spots in line for Will Call, we got our tickets and Frank's sister seated us in some of the best seats in the house. The paper placeholders directly across the aisle from us read:

Ethan Hawke

Wesley Snipes

Aweeeesome. Then I ate an entire bag of popcorn. Less awesome. Then I had some string cheese (like I said, I know people). Awesome. Then I watched as people started to fill in seats, including - OMG - Grizz and Dot Com aka Tracy Jordan's entourage on my fav show 30 Rock. Way awesome.

So, there I was, watching celebrities watch themselves (which is weird), getting a reminder of: a) Why I don't go to non-hipster Brooklyn, b) Why I am not a cop, c) Why being a drug dealer isn't really a great idea if you want to live.

Life lessons!

We all enjoyed the movie (it's intense - Training Day's Antoine Fuqua directed it), and then we made our way down the street to the Empire Hotel.

In case you're not cool and you don't watch Gossip Girl (returning next week, thank God!!), Chuck Bass - my close friend - bought the hotel on the show to be the base of his "empire" and to prove something to his dead dad Bart Bass.

Guess who was one of the first people I spotted at the party?

Bart Bass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

J tried to encourage me to go up to him with a straight face and say "It's so great to see you; I thought you were dead!" But luckily I had not yet had any liquid courage, so that helped me from becoming THAT girl.

Fast forward through buffet trip numero uno, me thinking that Grey Goose & waters were the way to go, making friends with the waiter passing mini crab cakes and Kobe beef sliders. Oh, and tons o' fames milling around. Sadly most celebs cooped up on an enclosed balcony that felt like the rainforest (well, at least the Moody Garden's Galveston version I went to as a child). I think that's where Star Jones was hiding, but honestly I don't think I'd recognize her non-fat self. Anyway, not worth gawking if you're sweating profusely IMO.

While other celeb sightings were exciting (Don Cheadle!), I still couldn't stop thinking about how I wanted to talk to Grizz and Dot Com because: A) I have issues separating TV from "reality" when it comes to my fav shows, B) They know Tina Fey. Meeting them would be like meeting Tina. Well, if Tina were a large black man. Also, I cannot even fathom the levels of unsurpassed awkwardness that would be reached if I ever met her based on the following interaction.

J being the sweet, not-totally-awkward-celebrity-interactor that he is, brought Grizz over to say hi to me. IMO, I was ambushed. Or that is at least my reason for giggling like a tiny child. Seriously, it was so embarrassing. I couldn't form words, much less a sentence in front of this giant bear of a man and all of J's friends. Luckily, though, Grizz could not have been any nicer. J assured me that since I'm a cute girl he was flattered. Maybe I was the one to assure myself that. I don't remember. Again, vodka waters.

Later in the night, we went over to say hi to Dot Com, who was wearing an amazing, super long white pin stripe suit. He was talking to Cedric the Entertainer (unrecognizably svelte!). Dot Com was nice enough to pose for a pic.

Anyway, the night was amazing. I also had an ephiphany: I belong in super fun awesome exclusive parties, and people should probably invite me to more of them. Just throwing that out there.

After another quick stop by the buffet (yummy short ribs were going to waste!), J and I made our exit around 1 a.m. (it was a school night, and also I'm a grandma, so that was like 6 a.m. for us). We got in the elevator with another couple, and I attempted to press the button for our penthouse descent. Except I was having trouble because the button with the * next to it wasn't the ground floor. Tricky. Also, The Vodka. The other guy helped me out, and I turned around to find myself face to face with a pretty blonde woman and her husband.

"OHMYGOD YOU'RE COCO!" I shrieked. Then I looked at her husband, "AND THAT MAKES YOU ICE-T."

"I rapped to your songs at my bar mitzvah!" J chimed in.

"I'm sorry your butt cleavage pics gotten taken down on Twitter!" I added, since I had literally just read about it on Perez Hilton earlier in the day. She asked me if I "followed" her. I do now!

In case you're not familiar with her, Coco is probably the most famous rapper wife, known primarily for her great assets to humanity. She was very pretty in real life, although a little too "Citrus American" (J's description of those bearing the orange Snooki glow).

What a small world. Me and famous people just shootin' the shit on the way out of a super fun awesome exclusive party in New York. Ain't no thang.

Then J and I went to his place, watched an old DVR'd episode of 30 Rock and polished off a bag of tortilla chips since I didn't get enough food...?

I'm sure that's exactly what Ice-T and Coco did too!

P Dot S: Hint Hint