Your Happiness Annoys Me

I know this post will be kind of weird since yesterday I was all lovey dovey friendship kittens and rainbows. But today was a rainy Monday so whatever. 

Last night I showed The BFF a not-quite-frenemy's (more of a Why Am I Even Facebook Friends With This Girl Who I Barely Know) new engagement bling and accompanying FB album because I was annoyed. And I'm still annoyed.

For no legit reason. Unless IAAB is a legit reason.

I mean, yes she's the kind of girl that you just don't like. And oh yeah, there's the fact she got engaged to a guy I had a crush like four years ago even though I had a boyfriend at the time but whatever. I know you're asking "Why are you even FB friends?" Obviously for moments such as this, duh.

Girl jealousy and annoyance toward other's happiness is nothing new. Remember when you were younger and so-and-so would get asked by The Cutest Guy Ever to the dance, making you vengeful and forever convinced she was a Fugly Skank? What, just me?

Or when Bianca had that Prada backpack that she loved and you only had your Sketchers? So then you had to try and steal her skeezy Andrew Keegan sloppy seconds to get revenge? Yes I did just compare you to Gabrielle Union. You could do worse. But you get my drift...hopefully?

Whether it be the "That should have been ME!" rage, or the "But I'm BETTER than YOU!" argument, no one is immune to jealousy.

And, now that we're older, it seems we are no less petty; we're no more excited for frenemy's happy life conquests. And Facebook is not making it any easier on us. Constant little reminders that someone has something you wish you had, whether it be the coveted engagement ring, the coveted puppy, the coveted new job. Or maybe someone is doing something way cooler than you're doing, and damnit you're the one who should be doing that! (Clearly Little Miss Namedropper is not above the I Hope Someone Gets Jealous About My FB Status/Mobile Upload fray. I do what I can.)

Whatever the reason, it's clear we're not growing out of this anytime soon, and I'm never going to be so altruistic that I'm happy for every one of my 1,200 FB friends.

So what can I do to overcome my bad attitude from last night? Write down positive affirmations about my own life? Meditate about things greater than me?

Nah.

Seek comfort in the hope that one day she becomes fat.

[Note: There has been a huge spike in the number of sorority friend engagements as of late, and I'd just like to say Congratulations!!! I promise I won't secretly hope you get fat.]

It starts young.