I Am A Bachelor Enabler

I have a very love-hate relationship with The Bachelor, which I hoped would lay dormant while I was staying with a non-Bachelor-watching friend, but unfortunately I can't make myself stop. It's too hard when my New York friends are (non-ironically) sending Bachelorette party email chains that spiral down into Ben-bashing, spoiler-sharing rants. I must be in the know!

Personally I don't give a shit who he picks, I'm just hoping the producers have an extra special surprise up their sleeves and strap him down for a haircut. BEN, 1994 Jared Leto called and he wants his hair back. For the love of God, some bangs, just anything!

Anyway, through the non-hypothetical aforementioned email chain, a friend sent the link to former contestant Ashley (from Brad's season)'s Tumblr Say No To Cosmo. All I have to say is that girl is about 1000% funnier than I gave her credit for on the show (and I liked her then too).

So, if you are going to be glued to your chair tonight for the capital D baby mama drama puh-lease do yourself a favor and die laughing at this. I mean, she's just saying what we're all thinking:

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How does Chris Harrison do it? That man deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.