I Will Miss My New Friends So Much

I'm going to be honest, I didn't really make a huge effort to make friends while I was in Denver. As my wise friend Lauren once suggested, "At this point in life, new friends are just dollar signs." And you know what? I have plenty of friends and no steady income. 

Just kidding. Me being cheap wasn't the reason I didn't make an effort to build up a huge Coloradan friendship base. It was that my heart was somewhere else. Sure I met some great people and had plenty of nice nights out with fun characters, but none of those friendships hold a candle to how I feel about my new cat pals. 

They stole my heart. This Cat Person persona has me all out of sorts - it's even worse than the Baby Fever I admitted to having! I think maybe it's because my childhood cat was such a dud. She was super mean her entire super-long life. Eventually she went from being a wily outdoor cat to a whiny indoor cat who hissed at anyone who tried to pet her. Considering Shawn and The BFF have been in my life a decade plus, Kitty's reputation as "the devil incarnate" made quite an impression on them too.

One day, a few years into living in New York, I was on the phone with my mom, looking visibly upset as she told me how our dog Jesse almost drowned in the lake. (She was convinced the "arch nemesis" neighbor who saved Jesse threw him in on purpose. One of many conspiracy theories on our 'eclectic' street. Also, speaking of neighbors, sadly Drew Barrymore put her house on the market. Damn, just as soon as I was coming back there!) 

Anyway, after I hung up, The BFF looked at me so sadly and whispered, "Is it Kitty? Is she okay?" 

That was when I had to break it to her: Kitty's been dead for like five years. 

So, this post is for Kitty. I'm sorry I never nurtured our relationship like I did with these cats. Maybe we could have been closer. Or, perhaps, you were just a bitch? 

Pepper doesn't give a SHIT about acting like a lady.

"High-fiving a million angels." - Liz Lemon

Cat Whisperer. 

Look how much they respect me!

The Wolf Pack

Pepper is training to be a feline yoga instructor.
Her classes are really hard. 

Oh, but just in case anyone is worried I'm not still adequately obsessed with dogs, here's a picture of me and the sweetest slobber mop face, Merl. Merl is an Old English Sheepdog - Golden Retriever mix. It is the best combination ever.

We make a pretty good looking couple, no?

That One Time I Pitched Something

In an effort to "follow my dreams," I pitched an article to XOJane and... dun dun dun ... they published it! 

If you're interested, you can check it out here: It Happened To Me: I'm in an International Long Distance Relationship

For those of you that don't know, XOJane is a one of the top 10 women's websites, according to Forbes. It's run by Jane Pratt, who started Sassy magazine at the age of 24 and then later Jane magazine. Aka she's a big deal. Aka I feel super honored. 

I've been reading articles on the site since it started, and it's a great source of workday boredom fodder! Go forth and procrastinate! 

The Real Reason For My Baby Fever

I mean, how can you resist?

I love kids.* I started babysitting at the ripe ol' age of ten so I have a pretty real perspective on how terrible they can be, but what can I say, children melt my heart.

Those ages zero to mid-elementary school will always be greeted by a voice eight octaves higher than my normal tone, and if they have an extra serving of Baby Charisma, I don't stand a chance of not embarrassing myself by fawning all over them.

"I love you, tiny stranger! I love you!"

When I was younger, it was totally fine to be open about my love for little ones, but now that I've reached an age considered "post Teen Mom," any time I point out a particularly cute tot, I'm received with an accusatory tick/tock stare-down. (Or an actual "tick tock" noise from Spiros.)

Really, though, I don't think I should've received any grief from him about getting worked up over ankle-biters on skis. There really is nothing more adorable.

Seriously? You can literally pick them up by a handle! What is cuter than that?

While I can't deny that there has been a flip switched in my brain that I'm not totally on board with ("OMG, mom, these baby shoes are sooooooooooooo cute. I want to buy them sooooo badly."), I recently had a breakthrough about one of the reasons why this baby lust has hit me so hard.

I just want someone to boss around.

I mean, if you know me then you know I am most in my element when I'm bossing others around. I love it. If I had a kid, then I'd have my own little minion to do whatever I want, go wherever I want, wear whatever I want.

Power trip much? Am I going to be a bad mom? Or worse - am I going to be a DANCE MOM?

So I've been thinking about it. And I'm pretty sure the only real solution is for me to get a dog.

Right?


*Except the little boy who screamed "I hate you Miss Rachel" and hid under his family's coffee table when I came to babysit one time, which was coincidentally also the last time. He was the devil.

Girl Crush: Kristen Bell

I have to admit, at first my love for Kristen Bell was limited. She seemed, a little, well, how should I say this... Sarah Marshall-ish? (Sidenote: Seriously, that movie is the best. Can we award a retro-active Oscar to Jason Segel for the screenplay?)

I hate to say I type cast her as a kiddie-size cup of fat-free bitch, but I subconsciously did. Until I saw the error in my ways.

Turns out Kristen Bell is the coolest! Tell me you've seen this video of her freaking out about a sloth coming to her birthday party. She just seems so normal yet so awesomely weird at the same time. We could totally be aquarium pals, I'm guessing. (Spiros, you can still come too.)

But what really made me get an unlimited monthly pass for the KB fan train? All the way back in 2010 Kristen threw herself a Hunger Games' themed birthday party.

Um, she's known how awesome it was since way back then? What the what?! Is she a wizard? I don't think I've ever respected someone as much as I do her.

I'm not sure what says about me or the world we live in, but whatever. Viva Kristen Bell!

(And, as if she wasn't awesome enough on her own, she's also engaged to Dax Shepard, who is on one of my favorite shows Parenthood. They are both hilarious. Talk about perfect double-date brunch companions. I bet they would be all over unlimited mimosas, right? Are my fantasies so lame?)

Ski-cation

It is so warm! In some slushy spots it's like you're water skiing! Snater skiing (snow + water)?

My body is killing me, it seems I've inherited my father's persnickety feet when it comes to ski boot comfort (as in I must vice grip my ankles to feel secure), and I have a cold I can't shake.

But that doesn't mean I'm not having fun though! Granted the icy black diamond on the steepest part of the mountain that we went on first thing this morning wasn't necessarily the highlight of the trip by any means, although nothing like a little family ass kicking on the slopes to bring us together.

Having not been included in a family vacation since high school, I'm enjoying the quality time with the parental unit (although not having my brothers here reminds me how, uh, interesting being an only child would have been). I even got to see Shawn's parents since they were in town too!

Tomorrow is my last day skiing for the season, then it's back to Denver for a few days and then on to Austin where I will remind my parents how much they've enjoyed having me around and taking care of me. Because really, it is embarrassing how easily I've accustomed to do nothing.

Well, that's a lie, I've been working hard skiing! And I've worked a 1,000 piece puzzle! So really, it's like I could almost use a vacation from this vacation...

You're right, I am the worst.

Determining the ROI Of Being Skinny

I understand the topic of other people's weight is rarely as interesting as it is for the owner of the extra elle bees, but hopefully this might be at least remotely insightful.

The thing about weight is that it is universal - as in, we all weigh something - but at the same time, it is so, so dependent on the individual person. While there isn't much you can do about your genes, I've recently learned how important it is to focus specifically on your body type. (Here is a great article about the three types.)

This is a lesson I wish I could have grasped much earlier in life. Growing up, I was always tall. I come from a family of big people. I was never a petite dancer, always more of a clumsy basketball player. After my sports career ended in early high school, I turned my energy into aggressively working out to slim down. Except I had no idea what I was doing.

Had I realized I have a mesomorphs body type (athletic, puts on muscle easily), my energy could have been spent on what I know now makes the most difference in how I look - yoga and pilates - served with a huge helping of cardio.

Although my gym attendance was a daily part of life in New York, going to Berlin threw me off my schedule and fitness commitment. Then when I got back to Manhattan in January, I was too busy eating and drinking my way from friend to friend to make it a priority.

So my plan for Denver was to throw myself into physical activity and healthy eating, and I'm proud to say not only did I do that, I've stuck with it. Shawn has been a great inspiration for me, having hardcore dedicated herself to a healthier lifestyle recently too.

The food we've been eating is healthy, a balance of natural proteins and fresh fruits and vegetables. For me, this part is easy since my body now craves these. (And I have finally put it together that when I eat crap, I legitimately feel like crap.)

But for me, my demons rest with the quantity: I like to eat; fullness can be an ambiguous feeling for me; I don't like to be wasteful; and I fixate when I know there is more of something I want. Since I don't have The BFF around to shame me out of the kitchen, I've had to rely on my least favorite thing - self-control.

And that's when I realized I'm at a cross-roads. Between walking a lot, yoga, at-home pilates, and skiing, my body tone has returned. I feel leaner, which is always my goal. But to lose actual weight, I know the only change that will make a difference is eating less.

I'm just not sure I can commit to it. I mean, how much will my life improve by cutting out more of my beloved food? Is that misery worth an extra few pounds? Part of me knows the answer is: YES! When I am lighter, I feel better. When I eat less, I feel better. When I look better, I feel better.

Then, damnit, why does food have to be so delicious?

Art (And Complimentary Upgrade) Appreciation

Following our sojourn to Steamboat, Spiros and I spent a final fun 24 hours together in Denver before he had to fly home (sad face). Since we returned to The Oxford Hotel, they were nice enough to give us a complimentary upgrade to a Presidential Suite. There is nothing I like more than a little refined elegance in a hotel room, let me tell you.

One thing, however, I was less appreciative of was the 7 a.m. wake up parade of bag-pipers directly below our window (the Sunday we sprang forward, mind you) as part of some pre-St. Patty's Day 5K.

Anyway, once I ate enough room service tuaca banana baguette french toast to sedate me over this aggression, we decided to make the most of our last day together and check out the Denver Art Museum.

Although I know little to nothing about art besides "Oh pretty!" or "Oh weird!" or "Oh a small child could have done that!", I still really liked the place.

 

  

 

If you ever make it to Denver, you should check it out! Or perhaps just skimming over this post was enough culture for you. (I can't judge you, I never go to museums. This post is for posterity.)

Ski Town, USA

Although Spiros and I had a great time in Denver, there was something special about going to Steamboat to ski for a few days.

I know what you're thinking: My life is like a vacation within a vacation. Yes, my reality seems to be warped into some sort of Inception-style layers of complete worthlessness, but whatever, I've stopped feeling guilty about it.

Anyway, we chose Steamboat as our mountain destination since I'd never been there before either. The newness made it feel like a real adventure. The drive up was gorgeous, renting a car was fun, and delicious breakfast sandwiches in a small town gave it the nostalgia of ski trip road trips past.

Steamboat turned out to be the perfect choice. Everything about the trip from the condo we stayed in to the Straight to You valet ski rental (by far the most amazingly efficient thing ever) was great. I know that all mountain towns generally attract friendly people, but I swear Steamboat people are the nicest. 

After cooking at home the other nights, on our last evening we took the advice of a friend and made plans to take the Gondola and then a sleigh ride to dinner at Ragnar's at the top of the mountain. It was hands down one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen at sunset. These pictures don't do it any justice, but whatever, as filler: 

We had a great time skiing. Spiros did an awesome job for having only done it one other time in his life! And apparently I'm a pretty patient teacher!

I'm excited to get a few more days on the mountain with my parents starting this week. Hopefully the snow sticks around till then! 

The Day After St. Patty's Day Is Way Better Because You Can Wear Any Color You Want

I have no Irish connection besides being a bit of a Lucky Charms fiend back in the day. I don't care for Guinness. And green is not my color. So much so that whenever I do decide to get festive for St. Patty's Day, I have to go out and buy something specific for the occasion. This year's long, stretchy Kelly Green tank is going to feel lonely in the sea of blue that is my closet.

FYI I was in the clear.

Anyway, even though St. Patrick's Day rarely holds much appeal for me, this year the conditions were perfect - warm weather and fun people.

Like any good buddy adventure movie, our impromptu bar crawl around downtown Denver was full of shenanigans, exploits, mayhem, confusion, debauchery, laughter, and tears from laughter.

Have you ever eaten an illegal burrito (as in "no outside food" illegal, not like "a four year old in China made this out of baby seals and heroin" illegal) from underneath your jacket? Each bite leaned into like your sniffing your armpit? Just me? You fancy, huh?

Not that that wasn't special, but my favorite part of the night actually happened the next morning. One of Shawn's friends in town for the weekend crashed our slumber party. Considering he's an Irish guy who was born 30 years ago on March 17, you can imagine how things were at "Where is Doug and what is this tiger doing here?" Hangover levels when he came to.

"Do you know what area code 715 is?"

First off, even though I've totally asked this question a million times, it is one of my biggest pet peeves. What do I look like to you, the kind of kid who stayed home on Friday nights memorizing random area codes? You shut your mouth when you're talking to me. And, second, there is no such thing as a stupid question because, damnit, you can Google it. 

Where was I? Oh right, 715 is a Madison, Wisconsin area code.

"Here's what the text from the random number says: 'After talking with you last night, I'd really like to make you an usher in my wedding.'"

That's when it hit me. At one point during the night before, I remember we had met a couple at one bar that journeyed with us to another. They were from Wisconsin.

Then I died laughing hysterically for approximately thirty minutes. Only this guy would be invited to be in a random couple's wedding.

Then I made some waffles for everyone.

Then I made a frozen pizza for everyone.

Then I made some bacon in the microwave but totally forgot about it until we'd finished eating, proving that I am actually turning into my mother. (Which of course is a good thing :)

Then I insisted on engaging the couple upstairs (the ones with the great dogs!) in an intense paint color swatch discussion for the better part of 45 minutes. (That's what watching non-stop HGTV will do to you; no one else was nearly as excited.)

Then I had the best ice cream of my life. Not exaggerating. Seriously. Salted Oreo. Let that sink in. That majestically delicious Cookies n' Cream flavor enhanced by the salt. Kudos, Little Man, kudos.

Then we saw 21 Jump Street and laughed our faces off. (I can't wait for Dolo to see it so we can talk about it. Seriously.)

Then I found out that the random Wisconsin wedding text was actually from a friend of his who got a new number, he had just forgotten they talked. (See aforementioned Irish dudes St. Patty's Day 30th birthday.)

But much like the lore of the leprechaun and his pot of gold, St. Patrick's Day is a holiday where you can get drunk believe in whatever you want. And I choose to think it's possible to be so charming that strangers will ask you to take a participatory role in their most holy and special union after meeting on the street for five minutes.

The end.

Hope everyone else had a fun time too!

I Love The Little Mermaid & Other Mature Things 26 Year Olds Say

In a lot of ways, hanging out with me is like spending quality time with a very tall, very precocious toddler.

Soon you will be accustomed with the Hungry Dance, the Cold Dance, the Tired Dance, the Excited Dance, or a dangerous hybrid combo. (Spoiler alert: They all involve me energetically shaking my body in every direction, generally known by my friends as "just how Rachel dances".)

Anyway, you can expect me to get grumpy if it's been too long between feeding times. I will let you know when I have to pee (the frequency of which has caused people to ask: "Do you think you have a problem or something?" but I'm pretty sure it's just a combination of my affinity for hydration and my laziness of bladder).

And also like any small child, I love aquariums. I just think they are the neatest.

Since the first day I've been living on Shawn's couch and learned there was an aquarium literally across the street, I've been counting down until someone would actually go with me. And I knew who would be the perfect candidate.

On our second date in Berlin, Spiros accompanied me to the aquarium so I could cross it off my bucket list. Little did I know at the time, but he might actually like the sea even more than me, e.g. he has his scuba license! he likes to sail! vs. my appreciation for nautical-esque outfits and talking about Red Lobster.

This personal interest combined with his "whatever will make Rachel happy" attitude (seriously, he's the best) led us there on a Sunday afternoon while he was in town. As we walked through the doors, he and I had a conversation about how kids only prefer expensive, real iPhones to any toy. "Yeah, I love mine so much!" I said before darting off by alone to snap a million pictures with my toy adult communication device.

Then he had to have them make an over-head announcement when he couldn't find me.

Just kidding. But let's be honest, after my timer-set attention span ended, my behavior was no better than most of the cranky toddlers ready for dinner. Although I have a feeling they weren't placated with a margarita (or two) afterward.

Anyway, please indulge the inner child who loves sea creatures - and totally doesn't understand why Prince Eric couldn't just turn into a Merman and join Ariel her super-sweet underwater kingdom instead of making her give up everything to join him and his old uncle, who let's be honest wasn't going to live forever, on dry land - and take a look at my photos below.

(I should mentioned I've always been mature for my age, right? I mean, in a Benjamin Button sort of way, obviously.)

I know this is horrible, but every time I see a sting ray I just can't help but think, "Really, God, really?" about Steve Erwin.

Good luck finding Nemo in this one (ah ha ha ha).

One time in 7th grade, The BFF and I did a project on Moray eels and got a C. The grade haunts me to this day, just like the lurking animal whose head you will have to cut off if it ever clinches its jaw on your arm.
(See, I totally learned something, Mrs. Cunningham!!!)

I have nothing clever to say, I just like this picture. 

These starfish look like they're on spring break, slathering on neon body paint for a Girl Talk concert, but no, that's just how nature made them! Amazing, huh?

Just some normal, everyday stalking of other people's children for my own amusement - and giant-fish-size-perspective.

Here's to 2012: The year I get my scuba license and/or learn to act like an actual adult!