Don't Judge A Book My Its Cover: Let Me Do It For You

Based on the number of people who have contacted me recently about books I recommended (okay, it was one, hi Susan!), I've decided to share with you what I've been reading over the past few months in case you are in the market for the suggestion. Some books are better than others, but all were pretty worthwhile. If you want more info about any specifically, leave a comment! 

From top left to right:

1. Bethenny Frankel, Naturally Thin (mentioned here)

2. Emily Giffin, Love the One You're With

3. Patti Smith, Just Kids

4. Diane Keaton, Then Again

5. Ellen Degeneres, Seriously I'm Kidding

6. Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex

7. Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me?

8. Sloane Crosley, How Did You Get This Number?

9. Jennifer Toth, Mole People

10.Jane Borden, I Totally Meant to Do That

11. Betty White, If You Ask Me

12. Chelsea Handler, Vodka, It's Me, Chelsea (Here's one mention.)

13. Rob Lowe, Stories I Only Tell My Friends (mentioned here)

14. Chelsea Handler, Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me (Here's another.)

15. Chelsea Handler, Chelse, Chelsea Bang Bang (And yet one more.)

16. David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day (mentioned here)

17. Tina Fey, Bossypants (I thought I wrote about it, but can't find it)

As you can see, I put a high priority on laughter and learning about celebrities' personal lives. 

Here are the few I have on my Kindle App:

 

March 23!!!! 

Suzanne Collins, Hunger Games Trilogy = my new totally, uncharacteristic obsession. 

Anyone have any good recommendations for me? 

Things I Should Keep To My Self (But Clearly I'm Not Going To)

• Within a matter of weeks, I have became a cat person. I KNOW, I KNOW. Like to the point where I talk out loud to them, and not just in a nagging "STOP WITH THE WATER BOWL!" kind of way. Like "Hi cats, bye cats, what are you up to, cats?" friendly conduct! This, of course, does not mean I am any less of a dog person, I am just evolving in my beliefs. I now know both kinds of pets can be nice to have around! Who would have guessed it? (Full disclosure: Shawn's cats are the most dog-like cats ever.) Anyway, it made me realize that it's better to be less judgmental of others' preferences in general. Cats, dogs, it don't matter. I mean, my favorite animal is the giant squid, for goodness sake. What does that say about me? Can't we all just get along?

• In other news, I recently watched an hour-long "Hunt for the Giant Squid" Nat Geo special. They really hook you into the show, leading you to believe that they've finally found one alive - the Holy Grail - but then they come up short again. Squid tease, if you will. Such are the let downs of a person with little to no social life.

• If you were to ask me when it was that I last showered, it would take me a minute to come up with the right answer. And it would offend you to know what I deem acceptable leg hair length. (Real catch, I know.)

Here is a picture of me showered and out of the house
in case the rest of this post had you worried about my well-being.

• When I go to yoga, I feel guilty. Sure the classes have all been great and the teachers are awesome, but hearing how you should "melt away the stress of the day" when the most stress you've encountered has been spilled-water-related (see above) makes you feel like a real asshole! This has been coupled with Funemployment Guilt I can't seem to shake. Like here I am, literally living my dream of having no commitments other than those I choose, and I feel terrible about it. (To over come this, I clean and talk out loud to cats. It's only helping a little.)

• No, I still haven't lost any weight. This is because my mouth is letting down the whole team. I am currently looking into elective surgeries that require jaw wiring. (Just kidding, my unemployment health insurance sucks.)

• I am never going back to work because there are tons of great things on TV during the day. Sure I could DVR them, but there's nothing quite like experiencing Ellen dancing up those stairs "live" each afternoon. Plus working out while watching The Doctors is a great incentive because former Bachelor Travis Stork = yum. Also, International House Hunters is just as good as every person told me it was. (Side note: After watching an episode about a blogger and her husband who moved to Florence, I totally stalked them to see if I could find their site and I did! Luckily Kate put up a post about being on the show because she totally googles people too! Now it makes me want to be on a reality show! As in one that will not morally blackball me from the family, does not entail someone yelling at me to be skinnier, or won't pit me against a bunch of D-cup, cat-fighting women with the competitive tenacity of The Careers. (A little joke for you Hunger Games fans!))

• Two things were baked from scratch in one week! Who do I think I am? I am steadfastly not a baker; I hate following recipes. And even when I can muster the energy to focus that hard, where does that lead me? With a delicious batch of temptation staring me in the face? (Who am I kidding, it would be half of a batch considering I'd have already had my way with the batter.) Anyway, it has been fun cooking for other people again, especially since they help demolish what would otherwise haunt me until it was gone.  

• One thing I made-and-then-over-the-course-of-the-day-accidentally-consumed-entirely-by-mysel;f was a half-recipe of this honey beer bread, which I made into muffins because - LOLZ - I thought they would be "good serving sizes," which of course means nothing if you eat them all anyway. Totally worth it though. (See above re: Need for Jaw Wiring.)  
• Lately I have also been into beets in a big way. While it's an been ingredient I tend to order from a menu (or selected from my German work cantina), never had I cooked any on my own until recently. (Foil-pocket roasting method and microwave lazy method both worked well.) But after eating them, I noticed things were a little weird the next day. Am I dying? After doing a little research, I've learned that apparently I have a condition called Beeturia. Aka I pee pink. It seems I fall into the 10 to 15% of the population whose body can't break down the betacyanin pigment, which is what gives beets their "beet red" appearance. (Let's be honest, it's more of a magenta color.)  

Aren't you so glad reading that is what you chose to do with your life today? Please still be my friend.

And if you are the one person who is really into my brand of life insight, feel free to follow me on Twitter. Since I no longer have any non feline coworkers to talk to during the day, I've really been "blowing up" with my tweets lately. As in, sometimes, multiple times per week!

Girl Crush: Tina Fey, Oscar Edition

Ummm, can we please talk for a minute about how amazing my favorite funny lady looked at the Oscars last night?

Tina in Carolina Herrera

And I'm not the only one who thinks so. Tina is consistently being mentioned as one of the best dressed of the night. This brings me way more happiness than it should, maybe because I don't have much going on in my own life, but, I think, more so because it's like now people have sort of realized, "Oh yeah, she can be funny AND pretty!" 

Plus, who knows, maybe Tina's own confidence is up after her new Garnier Fructis ad. The commercial plays up her tomboy chicness while also enhancing her natural beauty just like that of any other model they featured. The end result? She looks gorgeous. 

Anyway, the point of this is just to say, I'm very proud of you, Tina. Fingers snaps for big, chic buns. Navy is a timeless color. You look great.

Now, can you, me, and Amy please go to brunch?

An Important Guide To Charisma: Baby And Puppy Edition

What makes some babies cuter than other wee ones? What makes some dogs more adorable than their pup peers? What makes some coral nail polish hues more desirable than those that look practically the same?

Charisma.

Okay, well maybe not the third one (unless you count a clever name as Nail Polish Charisma because it does matter), but for the other two, it's totally true.

Think about it. Babies are generally kind of similar. Yeah, sure different colors and what not, but they're roughly the same size. They all have soft heads, making them inherently cute. And, for the most part, they're basically working within the same wheelhouse in terms of entertainment skills.

Yet some just radiate a certain je ne sais quoi.

Let's take celebrity tot Louis Bullock, for instance. Please note how this adorable adopted son of my close friend Sandra, has more Baby Charisma than most.

As you can see, Baby Louis has flavored his Baby Charisma with a dash of unexpected seriousness. That side eye look? Those adorable, miniature-sized adult outfits and hats? I mean, please, stop, I just can't handle it!

Before I move on to our four-legged friends, if you are interested in the ultimate in Baby Charisma, I highly suggest you check out Suri's Burn Book, the fake Tumblr from the perspective of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's spawn precocious kid. (I think I love it because it reminds me a little of a modern day Eloise, one of my favorite books of all time.)

Anyway, the importance of charisma is the same for dogs as it is babies, maybe even more important. Sure, like babies, all puppies are basically adorable. This is because they are miniature and wrinkly and smell good. But when they grow, not all dogs are created equal. Some just come off so boring and terrible, right? I'm looking at you, Long Haired Afghan.  

This is where it is important for a dog to have a good personality. My brother and his wife have two adopted dogs. One, they think, is a Whippet and a German Shepherd mix. Omg I know (and he had to be shaved at first, it was a disaster). But it's not all about looks, people. This dog has charisma, and thus I like him.

Of course I can assuredly say that no dog has as much charisma as my family dog Jesse. Jesse, a very rugged Cocker Spaniel, is sadly getting up there in age, but he is still full of spunk.

Here he is trying to get fresh with me. 

Anyway, hopefully this assessment of the importance of charisma has been educational. Please feel free to incorporate the phrases Baby Charisma and Dog Charisma into every day conversation as you see fit. Actually, I encourage it. Then tell me about it and make my day. Think about how good you'll feel!

[And if you think this post is just an excuse for me to write about/google pictures of puppies and babies then you are right. Please humor me.]

Mountain Shots

After I've been super lazy about taking pictures while I'm in the mountains, so on our way back from Keystone on Monday I took these with my iPhone. 

Beautiful, ain't she?

Conversations With My Grandma: Office Edition

I really hope this was consensual.

Although half the time I call she conveniently doesn't pick up, I love talking to my grandma Dolo because she always makes me laugh. (Plus, bonus, she laughs at my jokes too.) Anyway, the other day I was able to get a hold of her as she was headed out the door.

Dolo: "I have to leave for work soon. Today we have a safety training."

Me: "That sounds very Michael Scott-esque."

Dolo: "You have no idea. That is exactly how this place is! Last week we had to have a sexual harassment training!

Me: "No you did not!?"

Dolo: "Yes! And we had to take a test on the Internet afterward. It was really tricky! I missed three!! Do you have any idea how bad that makes me feel?"

You should know that my 81 year old grandmother is far more concerned with not living up to her over-achiever perfectionist persona than being perceived as a sexual harassment threat in the workforce.

I mean, that is just something to be proud of at her age.

A Little Denver

[Clockwise from top left]

1. I just learned there is an amusement park (a former Six Flags) only a few blocks from Shawn's apartment, but it is closed for winter. Nooooo!!

2. It's too bad I missed this season's Tebow madness considering her proximity to the stadium. The Stadium Formerly Known As Mile High is actually a pretty beautiful structure all things considered. 

3. Fresh tulips make everything better. So does cooking in a beautiful kitchen stocked with all the essentials I've dreamed of yet never seemed to gathered for myself. 

4. My best pal Merl, the golden retriever and old English sheep dog mix. His head is the same size as mine. It is awesome. 

5. Denver is a pretty place. 

6. Day or night. 

Adventures In Cat Step-Parenting

When I was around four, a stray cat adopted our family, and "Kitty" is what I named her. (Real shocking I wasn't accepted into my elementary school's Gifted & Talented Program for creative kids, huh?)

Anyway, with the exception of one picture capturing her momentary tolerance of me, for the better part of the next two decades, Kitty would hiss at everyone but my father, her source for rations, whenever they came near.

She was not friendly nor was she nice. (I pictured her when reading about Buttercup in Hunger Games). And so I grew up never really trusting cats to be anything other than secretly or not so secretly full of hate towards me.

But you see, Shawn IS a cat person and has two of them here in Denver. She adopted Sgt. Pepper (who I always think is a boy but is actually, allegedly, a girl) in 2007 before she moved to Denver. Then when she got up here, she adopted another cat named Stimpy (but who The BFF and I refer to as Mrs. Beatrice because he is the least manly cat ever).

Don't let this picture fool you, they are not Siamese twins. 

Pepper playing it cool.

Stimpy knows how photogenic he is.

But the real bane of my existence is the water situation. Pepper's favorite game is what I like to call "birdbath." She bats the shared bowl back and forth, splashing the water all over the ground. She is capable of drinking normally from it considering she will when I'm watching so I KNOW she is just does it to be a brat on purpose!

The evidence!!!

The result of this is no water left in the bowl for Mrs. B Stimpy. In order to ward off dehydration, he then goes and compromises every single water glass left around the apartment. By compromise, I mean he delicately dips his front paw in the water and licks it. It's kind of adorable until you realize you will have to get yet another clean glass unless you want cat backwash. Tasty!

Anyway, the pinnacle of hatred was reached today as it was their annual vet visit. Shawn had warned me it would be a little complicated to wrangle both into one cage, and she was right. I have the scratches to prove it.

Hopefully our "relationship" will be able to be repaired after all of the trauma. Or not. Either way.

Daddy Daughter Ski Date

The last two days were spent skiing with my dad at Breckenridge, the same mountain I skied with Shawn this time last year. (Just as random as the high school friends I ran into on that trip, while we were eating lunch at the lodge on Monday when I looked up and spotted one of my favorite ladies from NYC! Hooray small world!)

Anyway, after a winter of lackluster skiing conditions, luckily the snow has finally started to get good and we had a great time.  

My dad is the best skier in the world* and the sport has always held a place in his heart. He shared this love with my mother (they spent their honeymoon crashing on people's couches as they skied their way around Colorado) as well as instilled it in me. (Although, let's be honest, there is a frigid chance in hell I would happily go along with that honeymoon plan.) 

So from an adorable rug rat age, I've been on skis. Some of my earliest childhood memories involve family Christmas trips to New Mexico where we would ski at nearby Red River. 

I loved this little mountain, but I remember at the time thinking that some of the runs were so steep and scary. But whenever this was the case, I knew my dad was there to scoop me up under one arm (think: him runningback, me football) and swiftly ski me down to safety. 

Although now I'm too big to carry and my sense of fear has moved from black diamonds to more intangible life worries, I still know my dad is always there for me whenever I need him, and for that I am so grateful! Thanks, dad! Love you!

*According to me and/or many of his stories about "the badass old days"

Happy Valentines Day

The worst part of Valentine's Day for me has always been unmet flower-related expectations.

Either you are single and hoping a secret admirer will send you flowers at work, or you have a boyfriend who will fail to meet your totally reasonable expectations of sending you flowers at work.

Basically I just love getting flowers at work.

Anyway, after years of only ever receiving flowers sent from my family (thanks, mom), I decided the best way to remedy my February 14th depression was by quitting my job and thus losing all flower-related angst.

Not to put words in your mouth, but you could call me a problem solver if you wanted to.

So instead I spent Valentine's day skiing with my dad, sipping boxed red wine out of a flask on the chairlift.

Keeping it classy, like father like daughter.

Eat, Pray, Ski: A Rotating Emphasis

You might have noticed my updated masthead dedicated to my time in Colorado.

(Note: The runner-up title for this sabbatical was "Guide to Menver" but considering dating has taken a back seat to "losing weight" and "writing" I figured this was a good source of inspiration. Finger snaps to my mom for coining it.)

Unfortunately much like in Eat, Pray, Love, eating has taken the early lead for my numero uno activity. Pray (yoga) is gaining momentum thanks to the Groupon Shawn alerted me to at the best studio ever. And skiing will hopefully enter into the rotation this weekend.

But the eating part, man, do I need to get that under control.

It is no secret I love food. It is no secret I have a problem with food. And as you can imagine, hanging out all day within such close vicinity to the fridge and pantry is not doing me any favors. Those leftover Fruity Pebbles are not going to eat themselves!

Seriously though, I'm trying. As a newbie to the Stay at Home Person (SAHP) lifestyle, I know I need to set some limits and make a real commitment to change.

I decided to start by filling out the questionnaire included in Bethenny Frankel's book Naturally Thin. Effort comes in all shapes and sizes! 

As you can see, this doesn't exactly crack the code to fixing my eating habits (besides maybe offering the blanket suggestion Seek Professional Help Immediately), but luckily I have good influences on my side to help me work on things.

Shawn's new snacking self-control is impressive and inspiring. And, bonus, next weekend Lauren comes to visit - she is my SAHP and weight loss inspiration! (And wedding planning inspiration - she was on Style Me Pretty!!)

Here's to self-control by association!

P dot S: Masthead graphics taken from the Erin Jang 2011 calendar that used to be on my wall.

Making Me Feel Worse About My Lack of Productivity

Make no mistake, my grandma Dolo is an incredible woman. I'm always bragging about her and her work ethic (and only partially because I think it makes me sound cool by association). 

But what can I say, I'm proud of her. I mean, how many other octogenarians worry about getting fired when they book a trip to visit their granddaughter in Europe? And then display crazy high levels of sight seeing endurance, enough that all of my friends commented on her perseverance to make the most of her day. I explained that's how she always is. 

Anyway, I figured Dolo was in a class of her own until I saw this precious woman who was ringing me up at Target the other day.

Sorry, Dolo, "Miss Dee" might have you beat.

In other news, my unemployment, perma-vacation guilt has been rearing its ugly head (until I want to take a nap and then realize I should stop wallowing and enjoy it).

Nowhere But Down

Well, I've figured out my problem one of my problems. I make too good of a first impression.

Wait, what? No, seriously. And it sucks.

You see, recently it dawned on me that I've had plenty of amazing first dates that left me feeling awesome. Then, sure enough, exactly when I was starting to feel confident that it was actually going somewhere, everything would fall apart.

Clockwork is a bitch!

Now that I have the time to marinate over pressing problems such as these, I have sketched out the common trajectory of my dating life so you can get the idea (plus, considering my wizard PowerPoint skills are my most revered professional trait - sadly not even joking - I might as well keep 'em busy).

Initially he and I seemed to be getting along so well! He thought I was so great! And then all of a sudden the sentiment flipped. Now he doesn't. (Here is the breakdown of The Fear.)

This seems to be a common problem for many of my friends too. The issue seems to be that we are just so damn likable at first that we literally have no where to go but down. We are charming, we are fun, we are fireworks. We will light up and dazzle that damn date!

But you know what? It's exhausting being that awesome. Eventually my first date sparkle will wear off and you just get me, more frazzle than razzle unfortunately.

(Which, considering I have a fairly healthy self-esteem, I am not afraid to tell you is still fun to be around*.)

Yet it doesn't seem to be enough.

So that leaves me with what? Slowly adding in my awesomeness a cup at a time? Like how you're supposed to pour in the oil while you're whisking the vinegar to make salad dressing. And unfortunately it involves a lot of hand-eye coordination that I am obviously lacking so I always make a big mess and it never turns out right.

Gah. Life is so hard.

And this blog post has been brought to you by: White Girl Problems, The Unemployed Humble Brag Quasi High Self Esteem Issue.

P dot S: If any of the guys I've gone on dates with reading (hi!) would care to share their thoughts on this, please feel free to leave a comment.

*Unless I am hungry and/or PMSing

So Far So Good

I arrived in Denver on Saturday afternoon, and since then it's been non-stop fun. I mean, there were a few hours when I was asleep that I can't totally vouch for, but I'm pretty sure they were great too.

For starters, I realized I haven't seen Shawn since this time last year when we went to Breckenridge. Ya'll, that's cray! Secondly, her apartment is amazing with a giant kitchen and a view of a (currently) snow-covered park. It is the kind of adult apartment I aspire to have for myself one day, but for now I'm happy (and lucky) just to inhabit the couch.

My two new pals. My snow-covered BFF is in the background.
He's an Old English Sheepdog/Golden Retriever mix.
Giant, hypo-allergenic perfection.

I had also heard what fun friends she's made in the last year or so and now I can vouch for it.: Fun people indeed!

Even better, one of the guys lives directly upstairs and - please let an adequate amount of anticipation build up - has the greatest dog I've ever met.

We are already best friends.

I know what you're thinking. "Rachel, why do you always have to rush into relationships? Can't you just take it slow?" No, you know that's not my style, and anyway this dog is the best.

His Super Bowl behavior was way better than mine (my brain instructions =  see food, put in mouth), but hopefully I can learn from his self-control. That's how the best relationships are, you know, teaching one another stuff.

(Side note: We - meaning Shawn and I, not the dog - made some Pinterest recipes like Crescent roll French dip sandwiches, fruity pebble & dark chocolate rice krispies, and Chuy's creamy jalepeno ranch dip. Yuh-uhm.)

Anyway, after having a mini personal intervention involving some rice krispy leftovers this morning, today I've tried to make myself useful around the house and getting stuff organized. (Plus a Target trip, which just solidified my happiness with being here; I'm a simple girl.)

I don't want to jinx myself, but I seem to be doing a pretty great job acclimating to the life of a Stay at Home Person. Who would have guessed it??

Childhood Chic

I have quite a few souvenirs from my European travels that I love, but among my top favorites are my blue elephant lamp from LillyBerlin and my original Babar print from a Parisian flea market.

This new collection has been coupled with my crustacean paraphernalia...

 Leaving me with what I will now be referring my decorative taste to as "childhood chic".

(And The BFF lets out a sigh of relief she no longer has to share a living space with me and "style.")

My Docking Station

I flew from New York to Austin to drop off the rest of my stuff, get organized, and recharge my batteries a bit before my next adventure. 

Although my normally very supportive mother laughed in my face when I insisted I was actually going to unpack everything in an orderly manner, I did it. Victory. 

But after the endorphins of proving her wrong wore off I realized I didn't actually feel very good. And I still don't. (This could also be directly linked to the fact I accidentally took a headache medicine with caffeine in it at 11pm last night making it impossible to fall asleep. Genius!) 

So productivity can suck it. I'm going to lay in bed and read the rest of the Hunger Games trilogy, which for a girl who has never been into wizards or vampires I am obsessed with it. It's a perfect read for traveling and/or laying in bed feeling sorry for yourself since you have a sore throat and also your last blog post about NYC somehow got deleted and is now gone forever. 

And this now concludes The Worst Post Ever. Happy Thursday.