Guest Post: Where Are They Now? (Exes Edition)

Ed note: I was a little annoyed with myself because I literally have nothing interesting to write about. And then I got a message from my friend Elizabeth, who writes a hilarious dating blog Men and Such. Hooray, hooray, guest blog fodder! Much more interesting than me telling you how I really appreciate German efficiency, e.g. the elevators don't run continuously. We all dodged a bullet, this is wayyy better. (I am fairly certain it is impossible to giggle out loud about being environmentally conscious.) Hope you enjoy it too!

Elizabeth: I have been lucky to have dated some real “gems” the past few years. I realized the other weekend (after another run-in) that four of the five live in the same city as me and the most recent one is about to move here. How convenient! Not. The worst is the guy I dated that I work with… I am forced to do crazy things like curl my hair, wear heels, and dress cute to work. Woe is me.

I might live in a city with over a million other people but I run into these guys everywhere (work, church, bars, stop lights, restaurants, etc). I wish we could all divide up this city. I want Mi Cocina, they can have On the Border (ew). I want Northpark and the Walgreens on Lovers. They can have TABC and The Londoner, but not during TX/OU weekend. I get Whole Foods and they have can have Central Market, but only after 8 pm. You get the picture.

Here's the line up...

Junior year of college makeout obsession: In my defense, the whole thing started by him taking me on a date. How it turned into a big makeout/drama fest is beyond me. Throw in his psycho ex-girlfriend and anything can happen. He is currently living in the same city as me. I think* he just broke up with his blonde/fake boob long-term girlfriend. Sadly, he's gotten kind of chubby.

Ex-boyfriend of 3 years: Apparently, he took his girlfriend on a surprise trip to Sea Island, Georgia and then broke up with her. Still living in the same city as me, unfortunately. However, it is unclear if he still wears scarves.

(Side note: after we broke up, one of my friends ran into him out and he was wearing a SCARF. This is not okay in the South.)

 

Tall, very cute rebound boy: We have managed to be semi-friends and on good terms (shocking). He called me a couple months ago and told me he hadn’t kissed anyone since me… I did not share with him that I have been busy making out in bars and with boys named after beef burgers since we went our separate ways. (Yeah, I made out with a guy named Angus back in January. True story.)

 Work boy: Yes, I was dumb enough to fall for someone I work with, who then decided he’d rather date… someone else we work with. Oh, he and the work girl are very much in love. He just took her on a two week vacation, which included meeting his family. They shack every night and come to work together. Kill me now. Just kidding. Deep breaths. I’m not still bitter…

 

High school fling: To be clear, we had a fling in high school and dated for a second time this summer. (I did NOT have a fling with someone currently in high school.) I have not heard from him since our awkward fight (totally his fault) when he said some really ridiculous things to me via text message. He will be moving to my city in December. F-bomb.

 This town ain’t big enough for all six of us. 

Good luck, girl...you might need it...but hey, your awkward run-ins are our gain...