Wednesday's Edition of Living Vicariously Through Others

A few months ago, I wrote about how a new friend's relationship inspired me to not give up on meeting a guy in New York. To sum up their story: After having known each other as friendly acquaintances for a few years, L and K finally started dating. She's great, he's great, they're great. Instant love connection. It was only a matter of time until they got engaged. Except then it didn't happen. And she waited. And waited. And there was still no ring. And ohmygosh seriously? (This is my own impatience talking. I like instant gratification when living vicariously through others.)

After recently moving in (to a sick apartment) together, we were all on high-alert. Any vacation or trip to the beach warranted a 'is there anything you want to tell us???' email. I suggested she get weekly manicures for the show-off-the-bling photos that were sure to take place any minute. And then I went off to Germany ringless. I mean, I left for Germany and L was ringless. (Yes, I get that this isn't about me, but it's my blog and I am a sad, crazy person!) While I (selfishly) would have preferred this time to coincide with me being in the city so I could squeal about it in person, I'm beyond excited that it happened last weekend. Anyway, after attempting to piece together the sequence of events via Facebook stalking, I made L write up a recap for me, which she is sweet enough to share with all of you. Because who doesn't like feelings of jealousy happiness to help get her (or for my lone male reader, 'him') through the week. Did I mention her fiance is a handsome doctor. Okay I'll shut up now.

So, my story is not nearly as creepy as your story [Ed note: I sent her a Euro dating update]...but very exciting!! K finally proposed and it was absolutely, 100% worth the wait. (minus my craziness of asking him every day for the past 2 months where my g-d ring is!!!). So, in "hurricane" prep...we were being evacuated from our building..and had to bring everything inside off our patio. However, it was GORG out..no sign of any hurricane in sight..so we said screw this..and K suggested we go to Chelsea Piers for a drink. We got there...and it was empty because everyone in NYC apparently had already gone into hurricane hiding. K suggested we go take a walk out on the dock..but the dock master (who K had previously instructed to give us a hard time) would not let us on..then, finally he was like "eh, go ahead it is so quiet here today..it's your lucky day!" So as soon as we walk out onto the pier..I was like "holy shit, K...check out that yacht!!!" so K was like..let's see if he will take us for a ride. So the boat keeper (this French man that sounded just like the boat guy from 'along came polly') was like..I'm actually heading to get fuel, you guys are welcome to come along. Being the most oblivious person on earth...I was thinking this guy was going to like kidnap us or something..so I kept being like K, I think this is a BAD idea. Seconds later my ADD kicked in..and I just was enjoying being on a 42 ft yacht at sunset. We drove all the to the statue of liberty..and then on the way back we passed our apt building. K was such a good actor..and was like omg, I think people are in our apt taking the stuff off the balcony for the hurricane! At this point he just "happened to have binoculars" in his bag..which I didn't even pick up on bc I was like "We are going to get in so much trouble for not taking our stuff inside!" (bc the city was being so ridiculously over-cautious about this hurricane that everything was mandatory at our building since we are feet from the Hudson river). So I grab the binoculars from him..and I am trying to focus on our apt (meanwhile ...K is behind me..on one knee..while it literally took me 4 mins to find our apt. So...hanging across our whole dining room/living room windows was this HUGE sign that said "will you marry me" I just screamed...started crying..and turned around and tackled him. It was amazing. When we got back to our apt both our families were there with bubbly and presents and hugs. 

I die, don't you? When I read this the first time, I laughed so hard because everything about it is very them. And it was still a great, sweet surprise after so much build-up. I mean, this guy set up a hurricane for her? (The alternative could have been like another long-term couple's story I recently heard where they moved in together and the boyfriend yelled at the girl to hurry up in the bathroom and when she came out, he was on one knee. That does not bode well for future romance!)

But this does. Creative, romantic, and well, I mean, just look at the bling.

I'd say it was worth the wait. (And, btw, nice mani.)

CONGRATS TO YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!!!! MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Legen-Wait-For-It-Dary Weekend

Approximately one day after I booked my ticket to Berlin, my first guest booked his too. My roommate The BFF's BF's roommate BK (good luck explaining that to anyone, much less people whose native language is not English) was lucky enough to be planning a month-long Euro adventure and figured Berlin would be the perfect final stop. I think he made a good decision.

BK is one of those guys that brings out the fun in everyone. To say he is enthusiastic would be an understatement. (Do you know anyone else who sings "Party Rock" in the shower?) In New York you always know it'll be a great night if it's with him and his friends, so I hoped that he would provide the same entertainment here. He did not disappoint.

We started off the weekend with a low-key Thursday night touring my neighborhood and admiring the local prostitutes. What, you can't find a bunch of pretty young sex workers within walking distance? How American of you. (I had stumbled upon these freelancers earlier in the week when I was coming back from Pilates. I saw two of them decked out in pleather platform stripper shoes, tights and lingerie walking toward me. Literally, in my head, I thought oh, they must be headed to a theme party. Who knows, maybe there's a frat down the block!? Where are their tails and ears, it's almost like their costume is 'stripper.' Then I saw another similarly-dressed girl loitering a few meters behind them. How rude they aren't waiting for their friend! Oh wait. There are more of them. They're everywhere. THEY'RE ACTUALLY HOOKERS. Case closed: I am an idiot.)

The next day while I was at work, BK explored the city, learning first-hand how extremely spread out everything is, which is totally not accurately depicted on any map. That evening we met some of my friends for dinner at Prater Garten, the oldest beer garden in Berlin. Not quite The Standard...you know, cause it wasn't full of FJO's...but it was still great to try some local beer and cuisine. We ended up later at an outdoor "beach bar" dancing to techno all night...and running into friends of last weekend's cougarbait. Small world!

The following day was gray and dreary so I did what I do best on the weekends: Eat and do nothing. Luckily by that evening I pulled myself together and we went to my friend Uli's flat where she was having people over. Hooray, the perfect opportunity for me to expand my social circle. Let's just say I owe her big time. (And not just because one of the guys there was very cute.)

It was hands down one of the most fun times I've had in a long time. I mean, how could it not be when it included discussing the greatness of How I Met Your Mother, having a German bier tasting, and making inappropriate jokes. FYI: Laughter is the same in any language. 

It became clear that BK's enthusiasm was quite appreciated, and somehow in the span of only a few hours he managed to have everyone using his "PARTY ROCK!" catch-phrase while also single-handedly bringing (Smirnoff) "Icing" to Germany.

We left Uli's flat in a heard of new friends, leading to what was described as a "very typical Berlin" night. (Or how I imagine it would be to go out in Brooklyn.) Crashing a private birthday party at a "non-bar" co-op? Check. Stumbling on a impromptu dance party underneath a bridge? Check. Going to an underground concert at five am? Check. Walking home in broad daylight the next morning? Check.

Definitely not something I can handle every weekend, but now I feel like I can actually say Ich bin ein Berliner.

(Thanks, BK, for being a great sidekick!)

Guest Post: Where Are They Now? (Exes Edition)

Ed note: I was a little annoyed with myself because I literally have nothing interesting to write about. And then I got a message from my friend Elizabeth, who writes a hilarious dating blog Men and Such. Hooray, hooray, guest blog fodder! Much more interesting than me telling you how I really appreciate German efficiency, e.g. the elevators don't run continuously. We all dodged a bullet, this is wayyy better. (I am fairly certain it is impossible to giggle out loud about being environmentally conscious.) Hope you enjoy it too!

Elizabeth: I have been lucky to have dated some real “gems” the past few years. I realized the other weekend (after another run-in) that four of the five live in the same city as me and the most recent one is about to move here. How convenient! Not. The worst is the guy I dated that I work with… I am forced to do crazy things like curl my hair, wear heels, and dress cute to work. Woe is me.

I might live in a city with over a million other people but I run into these guys everywhere (work, church, bars, stop lights, restaurants, etc). I wish we could all divide up this city. I want Mi Cocina, they can have On the Border (ew). I want Northpark and the Walgreens on Lovers. They can have TABC and The Londoner, but not during TX/OU weekend. I get Whole Foods and they have can have Central Market, but only after 8 pm. You get the picture.

Here's the line up...

Junior year of college makeout obsession: In my defense, the whole thing started by him taking me on a date. How it turned into a big makeout/drama fest is beyond me. Throw in his psycho ex-girlfriend and anything can happen. He is currently living in the same city as me. I think* he just broke up with his blonde/fake boob long-term girlfriend. Sadly, he's gotten kind of chubby.

Ex-boyfriend of 3 years: Apparently, he took his girlfriend on a surprise trip to Sea Island, Georgia and then broke up with her. Still living in the same city as me, unfortunately. However, it is unclear if he still wears scarves.

(Side note: after we broke up, one of my friends ran into him out and he was wearing a SCARF. This is not okay in the South.)

 

Tall, very cute rebound boy: We have managed to be semi-friends and on good terms (shocking). He called me a couple months ago and told me he hadn’t kissed anyone since me… I did not share with him that I have been busy making out in bars and with boys named after beef burgers since we went our separate ways. (Yeah, I made out with a guy named Angus back in January. True story.)

 Work boy: Yes, I was dumb enough to fall for someone I work with, who then decided he’d rather date… someone else we work with. Oh, he and the work girl are very much in love. He just took her on a two week vacation, which included meeting his family. They shack every night and come to work together. Kill me now. Just kidding. Deep breaths. I’m not still bitter…

 

High school fling: To be clear, we had a fling in high school and dated for a second time this summer. (I did NOT have a fling with someone currently in high school.) I have not heard from him since our awkward fight (totally his fault) when he said some really ridiculous things to me via text message. He will be moving to my city in December. F-bomb.

 This town ain’t big enough for all six of us. 

Good luck, girl...you might need it...but hey, your awkward run-ins are our gain...

Looking Into The Future

Last weekend I spent a good day straight reading one of the new books I'd downloaded on my iPad, I Totally Meant to Do That by Jane Bordon. 

I could lie to you and say I just found it by randomly searching on iBooks, but we're friends. I'm going to be honest with you. One night I was bored while simultaneously in need of some "maybe I won't die alone" inspiration and found myself on the New York Times' Vows site where couples can film their own 'how we met' videos. My favorite was Jane and her husband Nathan's, who talked about how they met "like people did 30 years ago: at a coffee shop." Watch it so I feel like less of a stalkerish loser, please. Aren't they adorable?

Anyway, from there I learned she had written a book about the struggle of being a Southerner in New York, always feeling the tug of home while loving her life in the city (or in her case, after a few years, Brooklyn). Considering that is more or less my life, I of course had to read it.

I loved it. It's funny how a total stranger can have so many similar experiences only a few years ahead of you in life. (Her description of the "Frat halfway house" to describe the rotating apartments full of Southern guys in Murray Hill or the Upper East Side was spot on.)

She also compares her Craigslist roommate searches to that of Rush (she was a Tri-Delt at UNC, which I learned was not much different than my experience as a Kappa at UT). Although, while she did have some interesting living situations, none seemed nearly as horrible as being accosted about condiments by a Psychoface. Oh wait, I never lived above a heroin dealer. She wins.

Before I had finished the book, I'd Skyped with my grandma Dolo and told her about it. She was not excited about me reading this pro-New York propaganda. But in the final chapter, Jane makes peace with the fact that leaving New York won't be giving up on her future. It'll just be a change.

Considering I deal with this subject every single time I speak with my mother, it was good to hear the words of a wiser woman who has been in a similar situation.

Now if only I could find a cute guy at a coffee shop....

You've Seen One Baroque Palace, You've Seen 'Em All

I am really, hands-down the worst tourist ever. I blame my parents. We all have short attention spans resulting in little to no patience for waiting in lines, especially if it costs money.

But I am making an effort to at least see the things that don't require either, and doing a respectable job of it, if only to have something to share with you. Everything I do, I do it for youuuuuu. That is to say, I hope you appreciate these pictures from my little field trip outside of Berlin to Potsdam, which is home to a few palaces that used to be some Prussian Kings' "summer homes."

It is more or less Berlin's version of Versailles, and since I've toured that before, I figured wandering around the gardens and spending 10 minutes inside the Painting Gallery were adequate uses of my time (and euros). Later in the day when I Skyped with my family, no one was remotely surprised about my choices, which I found sweet. Gotta keep family traditions alive somehow even when we're so far apart. (Don't judge my family traditions and I won't judge yours :)

So here you go, Sanssouci Park:

Mustard yellow is the color for fall.

Who doesn't love a good windmill?

Mentally photoshop out the tourists.

Gallery room. Small, cheap, and no line. Just like I like it.

Look at this hilarious fat, naked baby wearing Tevas. So much attitude.
Exactly what I want my kid to be like someday.

And here are some other paintings.  If you've been to my NYC apartment, this was sort of the look I was going for.

If only the King of Prussia could see his summer house now. #rollinginhisgrave 

If only there was a bocce court, then this would really be a great place to throw summer soirees.

My next estate will definitely have a gold-detailed pagoda.

Another palace that was under construction. Hence the awkward cropping.

Hey it's me!

Nothing like some giant event planning trucks to spoil the mood.

Another palace I did not tour. 

I got sort of a Mr. Darcy feeling around these columns. Yes, that's all I have in my life, 'feelings of Mr. Darcy.'

All for now. Can't wait to show the exteriors of some more famous stuff soon!

Party People In Berlin Tonight

Everyday I'm shuffling... (If you don't get that reference then you clearly have not spent any time in a club lately. I, on the other hand, have.)

On Friday my friend SS invited me to go out with her boyfriend and one of his friends. She suggested a place called China Lounge, which was "in my neighborhood." The building is on my commute to the subway and looks like a dilapidated whorehouse, the kind of place where I'm going to be Taken and sold into white slavery or something. But since I'm hard up for friends, I obviously still agreed to go. Sorry, mom.

As it turns out, the club has actually moved into a new building on side street even closer to my flat and they just never took down the other signs. Like my own little MPD annex within walking distance. Score one for the home team.

One thing I appreciate about the places I've gone out to here is that high heels are not required. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love a good pair of heels, I just prefer looking at them versus wearing them. The "my feet hurt" excuse is best used to skip out of a bad date than miss out on dancing! Also, the dress code is a little different and I feel compelled to own up to the fact I wore out jorts with tights underneath them. No, I have not become Asian. Everyone does it here!

Stop judging me!

The night was made even better because I've finally gotten my standard drink order down. I had learned a few weeks earlier that asking for a vodka soda does not go over well here because they drink carbonated mineralwasser (aka soda) most of the time and would instead give me tonic water, which I think tastes like sugar water fermented in an old shoe. No thank you. But if you ask for vodka water with lemon, it comes out perfect. SS commented on how she thought it was weird at first, but was actually surprised with how refreshing it is. Welcome to America, my friend, the land of opportunities.

Another thing I've learned is that I'm also really good at dancing to house music. (Don't ask for a second opinion on that one.) But really, if I'm in the dancing zone, I'm all about just pulsating my entire body to the music while keeping my feet in place, not unlike a tilt-a-whirl. Maybe if I have a little personal space I will hop from foot to foot while throwing my hands in the air. I also like to think of it as my workout for the day and that I'm burning off tons of calories (which I proceed to put directly back into my body in the form of the aforementioned vodka sodas).

Anyway, apparently this was all (shockingly) working in my favor because a very precious German ended up dancing with me for the rest of the night. I was curious about how old my baby-faced friend was considering 18 year olds are allowed to go to clubs, but it turned out he was 23, unfortunately not quite putting me in the cougar status column.

Although a little disappointed, I reminded myself that there's always next weekend.

The BFF's Birthday

According to The BFF, this is the first time in 14 years of friendship I have missed her birthday. (For the record, she has missed like half of mine. I'm just sayin'.)

We've had some fun over the years. Like that murder mystery themed party (remember those??) she had in 7th grade where it was really rainy and the pizza delivery guy got in a wreck on the way to her house. Spooky! Or last year when I picked up not one, but three different guys at her party. (Best party ever.)

Anyway, I am very devastated not to be there to help her celebrate in person, but luckily The BFF just started grad school and is the most popular girl there, so I'm sure she'll still have a great time...and, knowing her pension for late night chip eating, it might end a little something like this:

These photos were taken one night when I was woken up to forceful knocking.
I thought it was some sort of monster coming to snatch me.
But no, it was The BFF who had somehow managed to lose her keys
between getting in the front door and walking up to our apartment.
As soon as I let her in, she crawled directly into bed. 

Even half-asleep, I knew I should capitalize on the opportunity

to document her creepiness for posterity.

I think we can agree, she'd probably make a great
spokesmodel for Sun Chips.

"The perfect late night snack!"

"Yeah, they're delicious. Ain't no thang."

"What's the big deal? You've never seen a girl wearing a blazer
in bed eating Sun Chips?"

Miss you, wifey!! Have a great birthday! We can celebrate via Skype soon :)

Learning Curve

The language barrier isn't the only thing holding back my European acclimation. (Speaking of, I'm currently watching a Deutsche Disney channel movie of like the 17th Home Alone. It makes no sense, and not just because it's dubbed in German. For starters, the parents are divorced. No, just no. Not even all that stress of leaving behind a child - twice - could split up the McCallisters.) 

Anyway, it's not just words that are throwing me off, it's also the numbers. Did you know they switch the coma and the period, e.g. 20.000 is $20,000 and 20,00 is $20.00? (Except, of course, with the euro sign.) News to me. And it takes some getting used to. Here are a few more things I wish I was taught growing up. We live in a global world, people, maybe we should prepare the next generation a little better... 

• Metric system. I would say as a country Americans sort of half-ass embrace this measurement system when we feel like it. Liter of cola, anyone? And sure, we're totally on board with the centimeter, but woah, please calculate that distance for me in feet. Now that I'm having to multiple each kilo by 2.2 pounds to see what kind of obesity I'm approaching, I really wish this was second nature.  


• 24-hour time. I mean, this one is easy to figure out, but sometimes my brain is tired from work - or trying to figure out the plot points in Home Alone 25 (he still uses a tape recorder to trick people!) - so I wish it came more naturally to me. Like, sure, I will definitely make it to the 19:00 yoga class. Oh wait, when is that again? Oh darn, maybe next time.


• Celsius temperatures. This one makes zero sense to me. And it's the one thing that Europeans make no effort to put into terms I understand. I don't blame them; the actual calculation is insane. So instead I've reverted to switching back and forth from Celsius to Fahrenheit on weather.com a million times. This has taught me that approximately 27° C (80° F) is perfecto and anything lower than 13° C (55° F) requires a jacket. Seems like the best solution for now. 

Okay, that's all my genius insight at the moment. I'm starting to get involved in the movie. (New) Keven just called (new) Buzz, and Buzz hung up on him. Typical. 

PS: "Buzz, your girlfriend, woof" and "Bring me back something French" remain two of the greatest movie quotes ever. 

Or You Could Just Google "Berlin Landmarks"

Before I moved to New York, I'd been there four times, enough to "see the sights." Unless of course they required waiting in any sort of line, in which case, not my thing. (Someday, though, I WILL go to the top of the Empire State building, most likely at 1am before it closes for the night to avoid the crowds, but hey, that still counts!) So when I finally moved to Manhattan, I didn't really have to feel guilty about never making an effort. Tourist stamping grounds are not my stomping grounds. (Except in the case of my office, which is in the big fact middle of Grand Central - Bryant Park midtown.)

This is just a wordy excuse to justify the fact that up until now, I have made zero effort to see any famous landmarks in Berlin that couldn't be spotted from my window like the Berliner Fernsehturm (TV tower), or down the street, like the Wall memorial. But the weather on Saturday was beautiful so I decided to join the masses and see what there was to see (while weaving along at a painfully slow speed).

I walked for over three hours (there's a bus I could have taken, but let's be honest, I was never really going to join a gym and I have been allowing myself to buy the most ridiculous "groceries" so walking it was!). During this span, I was reminded of the time my family and I took our first trip to Washington D.C. We made our way around the Mall and were headed to the car to see the Jefferson monument when my dad spotted a heard of Japanese tourists. "If they are going to walk there, so are we! We can't be upstaged in our own country!" So being competitively patriotic, we started the long journey across the river. Only to see them all get on a bus moments later. USA, USA.

Anyway, that's how I felt most of the day because I kept telling myself, "It's not that far away." And then it was. But whatever, I had ordered an "eiskaffee" thinking for a silly minute that the Germans were embracing iced coffee, forgetting that eis means icecream... So yeah, USA, USA.

Considering Berlin's turbulent, war-filled history, it is pretty amazing the amount of landmarks that are still standing, but even with their impressive stature, I think my favorite part of the day was strolling through Tiergarten, the Central Park of Berlin. It was perfect weather and a little nature never hurt anyone.

But now that I've seen the monuments, I think it's safe to say I'll resume my exploration around the rest of the city away from the fannypacks. (That is until it's Christmas Markt season!!)

Museumsinsel Berlin

Berlin Dom; tourists; sunshine

Random awkward family photo

Berlin Victory Column (which seemed much closer when I started to walk toward it)

Brandenburger Tor (under construction)

(For some reason I am extremely captivated by my newest Berliner discover - 
GIANT SLUGS! Considering how much I hate snakes - more than anything in the world - 
these little appendigeless suckers are awesome!)

War, what is it good for? Monuments. 

Just in case you forgot what I looked like. 

Words With Friends

I think it's safe to say I'm doing a pretty decent job learning German. (Lie.) Just the other day I was taught how to say ladybug. Marienkäfe. But more importantly, I serve a role in helping my German friends practice their English. I am really good at this and prefer it way more than sitting in silence randomly saying broken sentences in the present tense.

So that is what I did on Friday night when I went to my friend Uli's apartment to cook dinner, catch up, and - most importantly - watch American TV. She and her boyfriend love Parks & Rec as much as I do and it was the perfect ending to a very long week.

I mean, come on.

But it was apparent that there were a few language barriers we needed to address. Earlier in the evening, I found out her boyfriend's last name is Käfe and OMG IF THEY HAVE A DAUGHTER SOMEDAY THEY MUST NAME HER MARIEN so her name can be Lady Bug!!! I told you my expanding vocabulary was coming in handy! I'm hilarious in all languages! And, I'm fairly certain they will at least consider this as an option because it's so amazing. My work here is done.

Where was I? Oh right. We started talking about funny kids names and Uli told me about a girl who was named Rosa Höschen. Aka "Pink Panties." Gahhh, 10000 x worse than Lady Bug. So I of course GLLL'd about this (Sidebar: GLLL is a noise/verb/noun my friend Keaton and I patented at some point during college, which can be used as a reaction to both extremely good or bad things), but Uli didn't understand my issue with the word. "What do you say then?" Um...underwear...underpants...anything but "panties". I tried explaining that the p-word was one of those words that everyone seems to disdain. That and "moist." (I'm sorry for evening typing that last one, GLLLLL.)

So for the rest of the night, any English word that came up in the show that she didn't like (e.g. "rager"), she announced she would put in her "panty drawer."

Which I thought was the funniest, most clever thing ever.

Except, of course, for Lady Bug.

Calories Don't Count If They're Consumed While Making Friends

I'll be honest, when it comes to week-day activities, I have a tendency to limit my social calendar just out of sheer post-work exhaustion. But when in a foreign country, any invitation you get, you take. (Unless it's the case of the stage five clinger who I met last weekend and has texted me more times than guys I've dated for months.)

So on Monday I started the week with a much needed burger with my pal Uli. I should add that this burger was served from a former public rest room. Wait, what? Yeah, crazy Germans. But it was delicious and comforting, exactly what I needed.

Tuesday I rushed home from work, stopped to refill my empty fridge (I tried a different supermarket location and hit the jackpot in terms of produce selection, hooray!) making it home just in time for my friend SS to ring my buzzer. And then I buzzed her up. Like an civilized person would do. (I've only been here two weeks and I realize what a transition it will be going back.) We had a great time cooking dinner, discussing the annoyance of English grammar, me not really speaking German, and going over my best clubbing options for entertaining guests (so far only one on the books, the rest of you get planning!!!).

I figured I was doing pretty well for myself having two dinner dates in one week when I received a text from her the following day. Her best friend was cooking dinner, did I want to join? Sign me up. Not only were the homemade spaghetti bolognese and stuffed zucchini amazing, I made another friend. Ch-ching!

After we ate, we sat around telling stories. I shared with them about my really classy Manhattan apartment and how once I had to leave a note for the FedEx guy to leave a package with the "guy who sells hats next door." And how another time, the woman who owns the Dollar Store tried to sell me her half-dead cat. Oh, and the mystery behind my family's dog Jesse being on Facebook. (For the record, I know it's one of my aunts who reads this blog, this is becoming an international incident, I hope you're happy!) Apparently people find these tales charming no matter what country I'm in, thank goodness.

We also had a very creepy conversation about "mole people," the population believed to live in the NYC subway tunnels, because my new friend had once read a book about it. As a believer that you really have no clue what really goes on in that city, I added in my two two cents about it, stating that as a child I'd loved a cartoon about mutant turtles who lived down there too. As soon as I started this story, I felt like an idiot. Gahh, these Germans are going to think Americans are so weird. How do I explain crime-fighting turtles? "OH, you mean nin-ya turtles! Yeah we had that." Then we sang a the theme song. Because, friends, we live in a global world where everyone knows about Leonardo, Rafael, Donatello, and Michelangelo.

Before I headed home for the night, we finished up our conversation with random German expressions that make zero sense in English. "There is no good cherry eating." Huh? Then I realized that them translating these sayings for me is sort of like half my conversations with The BFF. Since her mother grew up in Lebanon, The BFF lacks understanding of even the most widely-used colloquial expressions. Or maybe it's cause she is a moron. I don't know. I'm kidding, gosh, I miss her!

Anyway, it's been a fun week, and hopefully the weekend will bring more of the same. And sunshine. I could really use some of that. (I know most of you are probably dripping with sweat while reading this so I'll limit my cool-weather complaining for the time being.)

Point of it all? Acclimating isn't that hard. Especially when you have Ninja Turtles to bring you together.

...Heroes in a half-shell....Turtle power!

Berlin Is Like...

Before I arrived, everyone kept advising me that Berlin is just like New York. Even this New York Magazine article gave me a breakdown of similarities. The truth is, though, it's not really at all. Besides for the fact that most people speak English and it's full of tourists clogging up quite a few of the sidewalks near the biggest landmarks, there is less in common with New York than other places I've been. (Plus, for the record, nothing is New York.)

So, instead, here is my breakdown as I've come to find it:

Berlin is like Chicago... it's sprawling. Half the trains run above ground. There are beautiful tall buildings, but for the most part you can see the sky. Oh, and it's way cleaner than New York. What, you don't just throw your trash on the side walk? You hide it somewhere? What is wrong with you?!

Berlin is like Vegas... you can walk around with open containers of booze wherever you go. Not only is it not illegal, it's encouraged! (Granted Germans walk around with beer, not four-feet tall plastic souvenir cups of pina coladas hence it's a little more subdued. But still, that seems like how the world should be, right?)

Berlin is like Austin... everyone is always wearing jeans! Casual dining, casual work, casual bars - even some of the clubs! I've already mentioned how casual it seems, but seriously, does no one care? I mean, I can get on board if I need to. Clearly I am as lazy as they come if it's acceptable...so does this mean I can bring back Nike running shorts as part of my staple wardrobe?

Okay that's all for now... I have had dinner plans with friends the past two nights and was just invited to dinner with two more tonight! Will provide a proper update on my popularity soon...

Oh What a Difference a Week Makes

Besides for hanging out with Amber, I also got to take time this weekend to do some exploring. Saturday morning I woke in surprisingly good condition after having gone to bed at 5 am the night before. (I was pretty impressed by this. Had I been in NYC, I would have been home by 3 am at the latest. But since Berlin has no closing time, I still looked like a baby. I can never win this game.)

Anyway, with a growing list of errands I needed to take care of, I got myself up and out of the house. Stamps purchased to mail my grandma Dolo a birthday card, check. (Which will hopefully get there before September.) Wine to bring to a dinner party that night, check. Spare set of keys, check.

The weather - originally thought to be pretty crummy - turned out to be perfection. Deep blue sky. Big white clouds. Warm, breezy temperatures. While walking back to my flat, I discovered a hilly green park littered with people on blankets. Count me in. I walked the five minutes home and headed back to soak it up.

Side bar: Since I went a little iTunes crazy before I left, I've been reading non-stop on my iPad. In the past two days, I have finished two Chelsea Handler books. Before this, I found her funny, but she also made me super uncomfortable. Now I find her hilarious and she makes me super uncomfortable. But regardless, I really want to be part of her entourage. She goes on the sickest vacations. Here are just a few things we have in common:

1. We both love to laugh at our own jokes and lie for our own amusement.
2. We say things no one should ever believe and yet they totally buy it. 
3. We're incredibly afraid of snakes. 
4. We both hate karaoke. 
5. We love fat babies. 

Anyway, Chels and I spent the next few hours reminding ourselves that it is in fact still summer and not quite time to go back to being super pasty. It was glorious.

After that, I had a much-needed Skype date with The BFF. Man do I miss my hetero-life partner! So many things to catch up on!

Then I showered and got ready for a dinner party with the same work-related crew from my first Saturday in town. We gathered at my client's for homemade sushi prepared by her niece SS, who is a year older than me. It was so much fun and reminded me of my "all you can eat" sushi nights with my favorite pals in NYC. Only much quieter and less sticky without the sake bombing.

From there, SS, her BF T and I met up with Amber and her friends. No such luck finding a German guy on this outing either, but I'm not giving up! At least they played good music. (Almost all the music here is American top 40 which is amazing because I understand it! Also, during dinner we listened to Matchbox 20. Time machine back to middle school/early high school. Or the time Elle invited me to see Rob Thomas with her bosses and we were so close he was literally sweating on us. Either way, the music choice was so random but I loved it. I know what you're thinking, good story.)

After another fun night out, I woke up on Sunday with zero motivation, and the ominous, cloudy gray day greeting me from my window did not help things. After more reading in bed (now on to David Sedaris' Me Talk Pretty One Day), I finally mustered up the strength to walk all the way down the hall to my washer and learn how to use it. Yeah, it was strenuous. So I obviously needed a nap.

Finally I decided that since it wasn't actually raining I should take the afternoon to do some more exploring because it's embarrassing that I live five minutes from the outdoor Berlin Wall museum and haven't actually been to it yet.

After soaking up some history, I walked through my newly beloved Prenzlauer Berg neighborhood, which I had been told is full of yuppie families and now can attest that I've never seen so many children before in my life. It was a little overwhelming for my ears to say the least.

But I love the area. It is so beautiful, and I'm glad I'm here when it's warm enough to enjoy wandering around, stumbling on a "flohmarkt" (flea market) and making mental notes about near-by outdoor cafes. Preferably to go to when I have more friends.

All in all a great weekend. I still don't speak German nor do I understand how to actually get around on the public transportation, but that's what English speaking cab drivers are for, right?

American Freunds!

Once upon a time at one of my college friend's weddings last summer, I met a girl who seemed to be BFFs with all of my friends. Um, why was I not alerted to the fact that since I've been in NYC you've all gone ahead and made other friends without me.


Fast forward to last week when my pal Mere sent out an introductory email to the two of us (with various mutual friends cc'd for good measure). No joke, 70 emails later (easiest way to communicate since she has a US phone), that "Berlin love" subject line has been brought me into the special group known as "Amber's friends."

She was in town for a law school program that not only introduced her to a bunch of cool kids from around the world, it also organized and suggested various "evening activities." Yes please. (This is what I need to do every week. Latch onto a group that will show me different places to go out in the city and provide me with the requisite group of people to do it with.)

We met up on Wednesday after I got horribly lost. (Being the most stubborn person ever, I refused to ask for directions, per usual. I also refuse to do things like own real maps. Gah. What is wrong with me?)

Watching other people shiver getting out of the water
was plenty fun for us. 

The luckily not-rainy evening led us to Arena, a "beach bar" on the Spree that included a pool housed in the river. I didn't bring a bathing suit because it wasn't warm and no really needs to see me in one at this point of my "Oh sorry I live in a foreign country so I just gave up on working out" non-gym regiment.

I had a great time hanging out with Amber as I did meeting all of her friends. It made me a little sad that they couldn't be permanent, but luckily I saw them twice more before they packed their bags and left.

Friday night I met them out at Week End Club. I got carded. On the heels of my 26 birthday, it made me feel pretty good that some moron thought I might not be 18. Victory! Take that facialist who lectured me on sun damage!

Once inside, I took advantage of having a few wingmen with me to try and meet myself a nice German boyfriend. How'd that turn out? Eh.

One guy I thought was cute either didn't speak German (when one of the German guys in the program tried to talk to him for me) or flat out rejected me. Let's go with the former for the sake of my self-esteem. Then there was the sloppy guy who just tried to go straight in for the makeout. No. Followed by a guy who said "I think we've met before?" "Where are you from?" "Spain." No. (Had he been a hot Spaniard perhaps I could have feigned belief in this line. Not the case.)

Some of the gang. Please come back

And then finally I did meet a guy who was from Berlin and beyond excited I was from Texas. "That is so cool" was said about 1,000 times in the first five minutes of talking. Then he proceeded to give me his 1) home phone number 2) cell phone number 3) email address and 4) full name in order for me to get in contact with him. That amount of info can take MONTHS to garner in NYC dating. He was perfectly nice, but boy we all know how I feel about stage five foreigner clingers. (I guess I am technically the foreigner in this case? whatever.)

I have yet to decide if I'm going to take him on his offer to hang out. Although now that my wingman is on her way to France, maybe I should be less picky?

Anyway, so glad Amber and I are now BFF! Take that, Austin friends.

(PS You can read all about her trip on her proper travelog Amber Gets Around.)

PPS Speaking of Texas, this is one of the bouncers at the club. I thought it was hilarious he was wearing a Cowboys shirt. Go Deion! (My favorite former Cowboy who was just inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame. Try and keep up.)

Good Thing I'm Pretty

(That title is actually a joke. I've lost my looks. Also I didn't bring my Chi with me because last time I was in Europe it wouldn't work, and I haven't bothered to buy a straightner here yet. Having an out of control humidity fro is not helping matters.)

Anyway, the point is, I'm an idiot. Sometimes I do things and I'm all dude, what is wrong with you, we've been over this!?!? For example, on Friday, when I shut my door (locks automatically) I started my typical five minute search for my keys to lock the deadbolt, which per usual entailed me removing every article from my Longchamp - the black hole of purses,  - to realize I had in fact left my keys inside. I blame the fact that the night before I was caught in a torrential downpour and was a wet mess when I came inside frantically throwing down everything in my hands to take care of my sopping shoes and umbrella.

That's when it hit me, Those little bastards are on my kitchen table. I just know it. 

Anyway, I came to work and had to fess up to my client. Because clearly I am not capable of interacting with a German locksmith on my own behalf. And she was great. "Shit happens."

Yes, so wise. And so helpful. She found the cheapest option and set up an appointment, accompanied me herself. She also informed me that if anything like this happens in the future and I'm capable of calling her (e.g. stupid phone isn't locked in there with the keys) for me to do so. Because I shouldn't be sleeping on the streets.

I decided against telling her about the time in Philly. No sense in giving her the impression I am a scatter-brained moron.

She will catch on soon enough. Sigh.

Getting My Bearings

(If you didn't know, Berlin is obsessed with bears so the above is kind of a pun. Just thought you should appreciate all I have to offer...)

Slowly but surely I'm starting to feel more at home here. If we're being honest, it was a little harder than I thought it would be, which culminated in me having a pretty massive pity party for myself complete with tears and chocolate pudding on Tuesday night.

But since then I've felt better. Day by day, with each new street I recognize or routine I start to make, it gets easier. I'm a creature of habit, and until I have a sweet clue about how my life is going to be like here, it'll be a bit of a struggle.

In the mean time, while I acclimate, I've noticed some similarities and differences from my life in New York, that I feel compelled to share:

The same:

• Walking is a great way to get around.
• My sense of direction still sucks.
• I like looking at buildings.
• The majority of people speak English.
• There are all types of food. Tons of Asian and Falafel places. Italian. Even TEX MEX!!! Fine by me. (To be perfectly honest, besides for pretzels, I am not a huge fan of traditional German fare. And have yet to eat any of it.)
• I'm still not that into Euro guys. They're just so...Euro...
• I can eat a wedge of brie by myself in two seconds for no reason.
• I'm still cooking tons of mushrooms. (That update is specifically for The BFF.)
• No matter how certain I am that when I walk into a drug store I will totally know exactly what I need and I definitely don't need to write down a list, I will certainly forget the most important item. Seriously, nail polish remover, why couldn't you just have jumped off the shelf and into my cart!
• While wearing a wrap dress, I will accidentally flash a minimum of two people every day.
• Hanging up my clothes after work is the hardest thing ever. Letting a weeks' worth pile up in a chair is not.
• I still send "hilarious" emails to my work colleagues to do things like ship me Chipotle burritos by "cob" (close of business). 

Different:

• There is sky! I can see the sky! 
• I am not that into the parks here. They're sort of overgrown. New York spoiled me. The city might be so poor that Mayor Bloomberg is just shelling out his own money for stuff now, but dayum, the parks. The glorious, perfectly manicured and planted parks. Sigh.
• There is no Chipotle. Dear sweet beautiful burritos, how I miss you. According to Uli, there is one in LONDON. And once she went there to get it. I am not even joking. (And I thought I was really making a great effort schlepping all the way down 14th to Union Square to pick it up since it doesn't deliver. If I ever get on a flight someone intervene, please.)
• People dress so casual here. Maybe it's just the season, but I am by far the most dressed up person I see. I probably look like such a tool. Sorry that I'm a consultant and I'm trying, gosh! 
• I only like the expensive clothes here. Everything else would have been considered ugly in 1994. Yeah, it's that bad. Forever 21 where are you??

Okay, that's all for now. I'm sure I'll have some more really great insights later, but now it's time for me to figure out a way to watch free American TV on my computer because Hulu doesn't work here. Oh the humanity.

Berlin: Nachbarschaft & Whonung

Unfortunately I have no really exciting updates to share about my life. I've been going to work. I've been a little stressed about work. I've been coming home from work.

A big highlight this week was that I finally made it to the supermarket to go "food shopping" (I've spent 3.5 years avoiding using this what I consider to be a very North Eastern phrase - c'mon they're groceries - only to be bombarded with it here, so whatever I'm embracing it). That was interesting. I mean, it's not that difficult determining what different products are (e.g. I had no trouble buying three types of cheeses) but in terms of making "smart choices" I haven't really figured what what is high fat vs. skinny food. So whatever. I made some guesses. My pants will let you know the results in a few weeks.

Before I did that, though, I took advantage of the (unfortunately fleeting) beautiful weather to walk home and snap some photos of my nachbarschaft (neighborhood). I also figured while my flat was somewhat tidy I should give you a peek inside. According to my German friend Uli, it is "very East German" whatever that means. Hopefully this weekend - barring the forcasted rain - I will explore the few blocks away that were home to the Berlin Wall. Seriously, how weird is it that I'm living that close to such important history?

Before you watch the montage below - I mean, if you want to, by no means do you have to unless you're my mother and have been begging for pics - please keep in mind that I am not a "real" photographer (for legit pictures, see the blogs of these great ladies Jenni, Kate, Meg, and Katy). Just me and my lil' point and shoot out and about in Berlin!

Genießen!

It's My Birthday

I've had a lot of birthdays over the years. Twenty-six to be exact. Some were better than others. Like the time I had a troll doll party in first grade (my mother is the queen of homemade theme parties; it ruled). Or last year when two of my best college pals joined me in NYC. Talk about living the dream. (Actually the year prior I literally lived the dream [insert awesome story about the hottest guy you've ever imagined here]. If we aren't related or we've never dated, I'll tell you about it after a glass or two of wine. Who am I kidding. Sober Rachel loves to brag. Call me up any time.)

Some, however, have been less amazing. Especially the few where I've been away from friends and family. What's the point really of celebrating? That was a bit how this birthday has been. Granted I had a ball with friends before I left and my sweet family did their best to make sure I felt "special" while I was away. But to be honest, I was sort of "over it" by the time I got here. Monday birthdays suck in general. "First day of work at a foreign company where you have no computer access" Monday birthdays are the worst, I soon found out.

No, I'm being a baby. It was fine. I was taken out for a delicious meal and a few glasses of wine, but it was no troll party. Or night out on 6th Street. Or bottle service in MPD. Or dinner with my besties.

And it just makes me appreciate all the other years and all the other memories. Thanks to those who are so important in my life for making me feel special so far away. xoxo

Since this is basically what I currently look like hence no pics, here are a few of my faves from the past few years (God bless FB archives):

Last year. What the hell am I doing to that elephant?

Me and The BFF circa 2009.

21st bday. Clearly I was a real treat to be around.

And last but not least, Vintage Birthday Rachel.