Oh New York, It Could Never Last

I have loved New York since I was young. What started out as a harmless crush turned into the only long distance relationship I ever felt worthy of pursuing. Four years ago I bought a one-way plane ticket to make it my future. I have never regretted that decision for a second.

But the thing is, New York is not easy. Like any relationship, it takes work. We have had some amazing times together; we have had those moments when you look down in disgust and think, "Now this is what real hate feels like!"

New York can be cold and icily cruel. It has been distant, isolating and stoic. But then when I least expect it, I am enveloped by love. A bear hug of awesome. Even the most mundane activities together lead to unexpected joy. My appreciation for the little things has been heightened times a million. Seasons, nature, fashion, strangers' compassion, individual satisfaction. 

When I first arrived, naive would be a generous word to describe me. I mean, I still believe most infomercial gadgets are probably going to cure cancer, but about real-world issues, I have a clue now. New york is the best teacher: Financial bailouts, political gridlock, gay rights, real estate envy - I had a front row view of it all.

But it wasn't all Cable News Network. New York provided a well-rounded education too. Celebrities, I've seen 'em. Culinary delights, I've tasted them. Fashion icons, I've literally almost run into them. These experiences have made me a better version of myself. (Or at least, a more self-important version, which is fine too.)

But personal growths leads to internal reflections. I notice that the whimsy has warn off, the newness no longer a pull. There is an undeniable level of comfort, but is that enough of a reason to keep things going? "I could have an amazing time here for another decade, but my life probably wouldn't be that different from how it is now."

What we had, New York and I, was never guaranteed to last. I knew going into it that building a future together would require sacrifices. Was I willing to make them? At some points along the way I thought yes. Could I handle never being the center of attention? How about not ever requiring a commitment longer than a calendar year? Maybe, I thought, I could keep it breezy. Perhaps all those trappings of conventional life are outdated by now, I justified.

But unfortunately, as much as I've tried to rationalize my love, I realize New York will always leave me wanting something more. We want different things. I won't lie, the age difference has been a factor. New York, so old and wise, and me in no position to disregard the history and pattern of behavior. I'm not the first young, idealistic girl to fall in love with these streets, and I won't be the last. If there is anything I have learned in life, it's that you can't change 'em. 

Basically, what I am trying to say, is that New York is the George Clooney of geography.

They wine and dine you better than anyone else, share a slice of glamorous life others will be jealous of, and you cannot deny they both gotta hell of a smile. But at the end of the day you can't require anything more. There is no agreement for forever. You will never be able to afford to buy. At some point, you have to walk away, satisfied by the memories and ready for what ever is next. 

We will be parting on good terms, New York and I. It is a difficult time and we hope you can respect our privacy. We are committed to staying friends.