Deep Thoughts to Get You Through the Weekend

Of course he's taken.

While I wait for my friend's (very) delayed arrival - grrrrrrrrr air travel issues - I've decided to write down some recent pressing thoughts. Mostly about guys. Very thoughtful. You're welcome.

Based on my observations, every guy in New York over six feet tall with a full head of hair is in a relationship. If the hair is styled in a side-swooped manner, he's definitely married. Move on and lower your standards.

So where can you meet cute guys?

Well, I'm totally convinced there's some sort of conspiracy going on at my gym where they only hire hot trainers to torture me. I'm too poor to give in yet I haven't met any guys lately? And I'm fat? Thanks for this moral dilemma, Crunch.

He just seems so nice and normal, right?

And that leaves me with what options? Awkward regression to having celebrity crushes. The last person I knew who used the words "celebrity crush" was my old psychoface roommate Ruby who thought she was dating Robert Pattinson. Oy. But after watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall the other day for the 1,000,000 time on FX (which I really need to stop doing because the dubbing is so annoying..."you rascal"), I've decided that Jason Segel might be my soulmate.

Technically, though, Jason is only my celebrity crush based on personality. If we're going on looks, then it's NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. Cause, duh, hottie. So really, I think this is all totally fine.

Situation under control.

Seriously, where are you Keaton? This smorgsboard of turkey meatballs and guacamole isn't going to eat ALL of itself. (I have no idea how I came up with that combo for snacks. But I totally think that someday a nice guy with side-swooped hair...Bry Wy??... would appreciate it.)

I think we can agree this is the best pic. Ever.