The Singles Bell Curve

While not a mathematical scholar (although in Calculus AP, I once made a project out of Kraft Singles, which obv. ruled), I've realized that there's an easily calculated model for how you feel when you're single.

A simple bell curve.

Let me break it down for you with these nifty images:

First you start out low. You've just gotten out of a relationship, you were comfortable, it was easy. Now it's less awesome to sit around on a Friday night watching a movie and eating your body's weight in Thai food. Being single seems like so much work. Ugh uphill battle. Wah wah.

Then slowly, things start to look up. You meet a cute guy or two. Maybe a random, super classy bar makeout takes place. You realize you're not the hermit grandma you'd thought you were.

Now you're getting in a rhythm. You have your wingmen lined up. You're building up your roster of guys. You're even starting to enjoy the freedom.

Hot damn, you're the most popular girl alive. Could you be any more fun, hot and awesome? Probably not.

Ego starts to deflate. That Love of Your Life Last Week didn't text you back. On Monday morning your newsfeed alerts you that he's now friends with Alexis, Sarah, Michelle & Laura - all non-ambiguous girl names. Skanks.

You realize that the grass is looking pretty green in the yards of your friends' relationships. The novelty of being single has worn off. It's starting to become work. You're not in the mood to be cute and sassy every freakin' night of the week. You long for your couch, takeout and snuggling. The comfort and convenience of a boyfriend seems like bliss.

"Woe is me. I'm going to die alone." After you've accepted your fate and started to draft a list of your Top 10 cat names for when you turn into my former downstairs neighbor, that's when it'll happen.

Smack. You've just run into your next boyfriend. Right in the nick of time.*

It's always how it is. It's math.

Note: Predictions based on my super-scientific algorithms may vary. Results not typical. But all we got is hope.