What Does That Say About Me?

On Tuesday night I had plans to cook dinner for a guy I actually like (a fourth date to be exact, I know a little soon but I have tons o' fresh produce in the fridge and it was giving me heart palpitations about the thought of it going bad. Yes, seriously these are the things that keep me up at night).

And then on Tuesday afternoon I cancelled plans to cook dinner for a guy I actually like when I got an invitation to go to Village Voice's fourth annual Choice Eats event, complements of my awesome friend Laurel.

So what does that say to me? 

Endless supplies of delicious free food > cute guys.

Oy. Remind me of this when I'm single for the rest of my life.

But the event was great. I got to spend some quality time with The BFF and her bf and consumed approximately one million tiny plates of deliciousness. Meatballs, pulled pork sandwiches, shrimp rolls, oh my. And then there was the VIP dessert room. Any VIP room from here on out sans Del Posto olive oil sorbet dark chocolate-coated lollipops will not meet my newfound extremely high and fatassy expectations.

Obviously I'm too awkward to take
a pic in real life. But, swoon, right?

Needless to say the next morning I woke up with a killer food hangover. And a moral hangover. Because I somehow managed to embarrass myself in front of one of my top Food Network crushes?!

The first restaurant stand we went to was serving mini hotdogs smothered in mac n' cheese. Yeah, you read that right. Let it sink in a little.

So, per typical behavior, I immediately inhaled the entire bite. Let's be honest, though, there is not a graceful way to house a mac n' cheese hotdog dream concoction.

And in a perfect act of awkward serendipity, the second it hit my lips, The BFF shouted, "OMG Marc Murphy, we watch you all the time!"

Fantastic. One - if not the - hottest judges on Chopped, a favorite show in our household. It was like meeting a rockstar. With a hotdog in your mouth.

And because I suffer from Awkward Tourettes, I felt the need to ramble on:

"You are one of our top three favorite judges! Once we went to Chris Santos' restaurant and acted like total assholes the entire time. You know, like how he acts on the show! Maybe we'll go to your restaurant and act like assholes there too."

Mind you, all this is taking place while I was wiping cheese sauce off my face. Fantastic, Rach, real smooth.

And that, friends, is basically the story of my life.

(And another reminder of why I don't lose weight.)