Every Girl Ever Has Wedding Fever

Who would want to marry this?

Every girl every is sick. She's got a fever and she needs to get rid of it.

According to Christopher Walken, the only prescription for a fever is more cowbell. Every girl ever loves Christopher Walken. Once every girl ever researched if Christopher Walken had any sons so maybe she could marry one of them. Unfortunately for every girl ever, he has no children. This, of course, did not help every girl ever's condition.

So what is the cause of every girl ever's ailments? CMS: Crazy Marriage Syndrome, CGS' ugly cousin.

It started slow. A few friends here, a random acquaintance there. "They've been dating since high school," every girl ever told herself. "They had to get married, if you know what I mean," she was sure of a time or two.

Now, though, every girl ever feels like each time she checks the mail she gets another Save the Date. Does every girl ever even have this many friends?

But it's the daily Facebook newsfeed announcements that cause her the real problems. "SHE found someone to marry her?!" "I remember when he was too awkward to even talk to girls!"

Every girl ever is stunned. Every girl every is petty. Oh hell, every girl ever is jealous.

Every girl ever can't help but wonder when it will be her turn. What if enters her head with every guy she meets. Approximately two minutes later, every girl ever determines he is in fact not The One. This causes every girl ever to get a little antsy.

Antsy is fine. It keeps every girl ever motivated in her quest. The next level - anxious - is when it starts to get dicey. Because from there, it's a quick hop, skip, and a jump to desperate.

Every girl ever needs to watch herself. Desperate is not a flattering shade. Every girl ever thinks that maybe she can make some small changes in her life to help keep the CMS tsunami at bay.

For starters, she needs to stop going through Facebook wedding albums' of friends of friends she doesn't even know out of some weird curiosity. And she should definitely stop looking at wedding blogs. Or choosing her hypothetical wedding flowers. Perhaps she should take up playing the cowbell. That sounds therapeutic.

In the mean time, every girl ever will make the most of her singledom. Mostly because every girl ever knows that "it happens when you least expect it." Or something, right? Right??

Oh hell, this is not going to be pretty.