How to Know if He's Taken: Dog Edition

There are approximately one billion men in this city, but how do you know if the hottie you're staring down is single? Wedding ring, duh. But NOT fail-proof. What if he's wearing gloves?? What if he's engaged - there's no male engagement bling equivalent to ward you off. Or what if he's just plain ol' IAR? No way to tell. Or is there?

When you don't have an obvious indicator, it's hard to know for sure if he's actually checking you out, or - if you're the one checking him out - if it's worth your time.

So I've developed a few theories, one of which is:

How to tell a guy's relationship status by his dog

• Miniature anything, especially of the white and/or fluffy variety: Don't waste your time. He is either: a) in a relationship with a girl who made him buy a dainty ball of fluff; b) he broke up with a girl who made him buy a dainty ball of fluff and, let's be honest, now probably has some emotional baggage in addition to the physical baggage in the form of the aforementioned dainty ball of fluff; c) he's gay.

• Big, rugged dog: Maybe. I love, love, love big dogs, but would not, under almost any circumstance, have one in the city. Why? Because dogs are very stubborn! I can't tell you how many times I've hilariously laughed at someone prodding their dog whose unrelenting obstinate nature has decided he’s over walking and would prefer to nap on the sidewalk. So funny (since it's not my problem)! If I can't pick up a dog to move it, then I can't have it. But obviously most guys wouldn't necessarily think of that being an issue. They'd say, OMG I LOVE LABS, THAT'S WHAT I'M GETTING! But a guy with a GF would probably "decide" to get a smaller dog... so guy with big dog, maybe single! But maybe not the best when it comes to thinking ahead...

• Dog wearing any article of clothing: See the first bullet.

Okay obviously I really only have one actual observation that has any credibility, e.g. guys walking totally girly dogs aren't worth your time, so the truth is I just wanted to attach a ton of doggie pictures. Because I love to torture myself with things I can't have. Wah wah.

Also, in case Santa is curious, any of the following are acceptable Christmas gifts: