This was learned the hard way in college by her falling for the same undeserving fool on two separate occasions. It is fine, though, because she now has the upper hand. Victory.
Anyway, she loves to remind me of this whenever I reconsider giving a guy a second chance. She also loves to educate me on the other wisdom she garnered while I was off busy being lame and faux-married in college. Let’s be honest, we’ve basically reversed roles. Now is her chance to pay me back for having to tolerate her woe is me behavior from freshman year.
So her advice rests on the fairly sound principle that if it didn’t work out the first time then it wasn’t meant to be. However, I’m starting to rethink this logic.
Especially in New York where people are groomed to hide behind strategically crafted dating personas, rarely do you get a real glimpse of someone’s true colors right off the bat. I’ve met guys who I thought were great, but turns out they weren’t. I’ve also met guys who I took longer to realize their greatness.
The same can also be said for chemistry. For me, a deeper connection – an honest, revealing friendship – is necessary for long-term commitment. However, I am the queen of putting walls up. Apparently. The version of me that you get to know while having dinner every week or two is not the version you will get to know day in and day out. It’s the Cliffsnote’s guide to me at my best. Unless I’ve had a few too many cocktails and then it might just might turn out to be a classic episode of Awkward Rachel Goes on a Date.
Change of heart is another reason to reconsider giving someone a second chance. A friend recently mentioned that a guy she had gone out with a few months ago texted her out of the blue. Going into the evening with a We’re Just Friends mentality led her to be fairly surprised when he straight up asked her if she was dating anyone else and made it clear that he wanted to pursue a relationship with her. This was coming from a guy she had totally written off for his inability to commit.
So who knows what the best advice is. I clearly don’t have a sweet clue. I don’t know what I want tomorrow, much less a month or two down the road.
But if someone is willing to pursue a second chance with enough effort and motivation that it seems genuine, then who the hell knows. Maybe it’s worth giving it a shot.
Best case scenario you’re both ready this time around to make it work.
Worst case scenario, you too can be a subscriber to The BFF’s #1 rule and warn your friends when they open that door a second (or third or fourth) time.
I love this!
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