How to Win with a Good Defense

About a million years ago I played basketball and learned a few things:

- Sometimes a good defense is the key to winning - if you put in the effort and hustle at your opponent's end of the court, you can control the game

BUT

- Sometimes you can play with as much heart and dedication as humanly possible and YOU WILL STILL LOSE BECAUSE THE TEAM YOU ARE PLAYING AGAINST IS OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

So, let's see how these lessons also apply to dating:

A new friend mentioned that a guy she had been seeing earlier in the summer - a fling she thought was dead in the water - had recently texted her right before she left for a work trip. And he continued to text her while she was gone. "Full-court press," she called it. His efforts proved to her that he was still interested. The key is that there had been a mutual interest, and now that he has stepped up his game, she is willing to play.


Full-court press (FCP), as described by ol' Wikipedia, "takes a great deal of effort, but can be an effective tactic." It may payoff. But it may not...

Unfortunately I have found myself in the opposite situation - where FCP action is not welcome - forcing me to play a game I have no interest in being a part of. When it is clear you're not interested in a guy, yet he still thinks he's going to win you over, persistent FCP tactics will force you to school him on on the court. And it ain't gonna be pretty.

Being aggressively pursued - which I don't tend to respond well to in general - is even worse when it's coming from a guy who I thought had picked up on my "we're just friends" vibe. Just because I'm sociable and outgoing does not mean I want to date you. Why is that so hard for some guys to understand?



Texting, emailing, Facebook messaging, and the worst - in-person FCP attempts to lock-down a date - are not going to do you any good if the object of your affection is out of your league. Yes, I realize this sounds bitchy, but let's be honest with ourselves. Everyone has people out of their league - you, me, well maybe not Brad or Angelina, but most people.

When I find myself in this situation, I deter to him. Unless he makes the first move, I'm not going to assume he wants to date me. Or I will casually test the waters to see if I might have a shot. A zone defense lagging in the backcourt. If he's not interested, I will bow out gracefully.

Just pay attention to the signs. If you are getting zero reciprication from someone, then back off. FCP is not going to win you the game.