Keep The Crazy In

A few years back, I came up with some advice for a friend in a new relationship: "Keep the crazy in!"

She'd just started dating a guy I had set her up with, a friend of my then-boyfriend, so I was getting both sides of the gossip. "I like her, but I just can't deal with any drama." So I advised her to be on her best behavior and maybe wait until things were very settled before showing her, well, sometimes-true colors.

It has a bit of a "safari" look,
which I feel is always "in" for fall

And this mantra is something I find myself reciting on a regular basis. You see, dating in this city has made me insane. I am no longer the happy-go-lucky dater I once was. I've gone from optimistic to opportunistic. Can you say jayyy-ded? I play games. No wait, I win games. This has required me to gain a lot of patience - not my strong suit, you know - those texts don't ignore themselves (for the prerequisite amount of time as set forth by previous text response ratio)!

A little introspective analysis shows that my new view on dating stems from the fact that everyone I've met has been a flitty little Peter Pan, the world's biggest dbag, or a precious love child of the two. Everyone is full of shit, everyone makes false promises, everything ends the same.

And that's when the problems start, and my fear of wasting time and effort gets the best of me. (Clearly the new-found patience listed above only comes in limited quantities!)

Well he WILL disappoint me at some point, why not just speed things up and get to that point now? [Spilling gasoline everywhere...oh, look, matches!?]

The easiest way to self-sabotage, an art form really, is by shooting off a few CGS-fueled texts. Fine, I see you didn't respond to my last text from 30 seconds ago, clearly you hate me and/or have commitment issues, most-likely stemming from your dysfunctional family. Have a good life, I hope you find happiness you deserve with some skankface you meet via Twitter.  Nothing says to a guy "maybe instead of going to the Hampton's this weekend, she should be locked away" like an accusatory rant out of nowhere.


But you really liked him, you think to yourself, it could have been so different*. Um, yeah, you ruined it though, psychoface! Next time, reign it in! Suppress it! Lock it up!

And, for the love of god, step away from the phone.

*Small caveat: By no means, though, should you walk around wearing rose-colored glasses that camouflage red flags. You must find a balance between your Distrusting self and your Gullible self. This is when having a pragmatic friend comes in handy, one who is more discerning than you and can honestly tell you either: a) You're Being Insane or b) He is a Tool or c) All of the Above.

(That person in my life is The BFF. Miss you!)