A Guide to Making Me Hate You

Okay, that's a little aggressive, maybe a better title would have been "A Guide to Pissing Me Off and Making Me Like You Less," but that doesn't quite draw you in as much, now does it?

Anyway, here are a few tips that make it easy for me to get over my feelings for a guy:

• Be some degree of flakey. Vaguely suggest and/or commit to plans in the future, only to schedule something else at the same time. Agree to hang out only to provide no follow up details until the last minute. Or never follow up at all. That's a sweet move. I'll definitely make up excuses for you. Go ahead, let me think that maybe you found yourself in the middle of some elaborate scheme where you had to hide inside a mailbox and grab a letter out of someone's hand to check for the missing stone in his 1984 Dolphin's AFC Championship ring instead of calling me to cancel. (What, yes that was an Ace Ventura reference.) I get there's horrible reception inside of those things, and plus you have an iPhone. That's not your fault! I mean, yes, if it were me, I would definitely have found a way to call you. But whatever you were doing instead of hanging out with me before I left the country for five months, was super important. It's fine!
• Don't make me a priority. I mean, even though you haven't seen me in weeks, don't worry I didn't expect to hang out. Why would we? Even though I would prob choose you over my friends who I see all the time, but what am I saying, that's just me. I love competing with your friends, who you see all the time. You're right, there is nothing else I can offer you that they can't. 
• Toy with my emotions. Whatever you do, though, just make sure it's as inconsistent as possible. Play hot and cold all you want. If you're only cold, I build up a tolerance to it. I come to expect it. What's the fun in that? Instead, always keep me on the defensive. One minute come on with your full-court(ing) press. "Is it bad I want to see you so much?" That'll get me. But don't you dare keep up that cute, available, interested act with me, sir. Now's the time to pull back. Quick, I'm starting to like you! Wham, bam, totally ignore that text for two days, ma'am. Now what am I to think? Have you met someone else? Is it because you think I'm fat? Are you gay? It's totally fine if you are, I support it. But now I'm just so confused! I could totally use someone to talk about this with, but you haven't called even though you said you would. Oh well.

And there you have it. Too much of the above. A reason I'm fine leaving; I need a sabbatical from the bullshit. 

In Germany, I tell myself things will be different. If anything, I can at least blame the language/cultural barrier on my disappointments. I mean, how can I be upset if I don't really know what he's promising? 

PS In honor of Guy Ranting near my birthday, I'd like to say hi to my favorite high school crush and sometimes blog reader. Thanks for surprising me when I got home on my 17th birthday with a personalized cake reading "Your Mustang" in honor of your promise to restore an old classic for me. Showing up at my house, indulging my mom in taking pictures of the two of us. I thought the time had finally come. We were meant to be. But instead you decided that stringing me along for years with no desire to actually date me was a better idea. That sure was special. Good thing we've moved past that :) xoxo