This Is Why You’re Crazy

Have you ever seen the food porn blog This is Why You’re Fat? It’s basically a token to why Americans have serious food issues. Yes, if you deep fry a Big Mac and stuff it with Oreos chances are obesity might come knocking on your door. I will be honest, due to my genetic fatass-ness, I’m not allowed to look at this site because it makes me hungry and curious.

Anyway, in the same vein, I’ve decided I’m going to start a list called “This is Why You’re Crazy.”

I will go ahead and take full responsibility for 50% of my craziness – and general girl craziness – right off the bat. Excuses can range from our personal insecurities getting the best of us (e.g. the time I hysterically/drunkenly/very publicly tried to break up with my college boyfriend because I thought he was hitting on my cute friend - totally my bad - I was out of line) or the guy-hating excuse of hormones (they are real - and they make some girls real crazy). Yes, sometimes we are our own worst enemies.

But there are times when it is totally the guy’s fault, and yet he doesn’t get why you’re pissed. Or why you act THAT way. Or why you’re still pursuing him although he sent you a mental “this is over” memo which apparently got lost in your junk mail.

To paint a better picture, here are a few examples. Please feel free to send me classics for the next edition.

• He tells you he’s not dating anyone else and how much he likes you, only to disappear off the face of the Earth never to be heard from again

• After you purchase him a Valentine’s Day gift, he asks the cashier to hand him the change

• He strings you along for a year telling you he doesn’t want a girlfriend but if he did, it would totally be you, only to go out and jump into a relationship with some grotsky biatch

• He breaks up with you and then asks if you can get him a job at your company, totally oblivious about how that might be an awkward situation for you

• He goes out and finds a new girlfriend a month after your multi-year relationship ends, you know, the one you thought was really mutually meaningful

• He ends things with you the day after he returns from an extended period apart where you had spent the entire time devotedly missing him

• He convinces you you’re his soul mate only for him to dump you a week later

• Any sort of cheating, particularly with someone you know

• He tells you he USED to have a really big thing for you but now he’s over it

If you allow yourself to gorge on heaping piles of saturated fat, you will get fat. If you get treated like shit, you will get crazy.


[I know it's wrong, but these look so appetizing...Must stop looking at site NOW.]

Start to learn who will be the equivalent to that double-decker, deep-fried pizza burrito slathered in queso and resist the urge to indulge.