Happy Birthday to the BFF

Ahhh seems just like yesterday we were in middle school obsessing over 8th grade boys that did not know we were alive. Really glad we've outgrown those awkward stages...err...anyway, happy birthday! xoxo

Update: ForeignJO

Ding ding ding! We have a womanizer. Although he has been in the states longer than three years, he definitely fits the classic foreign womanizer mold.

But you know, there was really no way he could not be since he’s a 6’4” Abercrombie model-built, former MIT football player (apparently that exists), smart/successful, Mercedes SL500 convertible-driving FJO. It’s just not his fault.

Guy-Hot vs. Girl-Hot

A few friends and I recently got on the subject of male and female’s differing opinions of attractiveness. You know, you have a friend who you think is super cute, but then you make the comment to a guy only for him to give you a “Are you serious?” look. And then he goes and hits on some but-her-face girl. BUT WHY? It’s so weird!

Girl-hot appreciates a level of distinct beauty that can go misunderstood by some guys. On the Beauty Appreciation Spectrum, girls seem to recognize a wider range of looks while guys tend to lean one way or another – exotic, classic, somewhere in the middle – so maybe whoever you point out just isn’t his type, or maybe he’s just a blind idiot.

One thing guys seem to have a universal appreciation for: bimbos. Shocking.

In addition to physical characteristics, outfits are another sticking point for clash of the sexes. It seems plenty of girls are wasting there time trying to impress guys with their outfits - for nothing.


The majority of those fashion-forward items you have in your ensemble? Leggings? Weird pant-substitutes in general, especially jumpsuits? Fingerless gloves? All guy repellent. Unless the trend involves showing as much leg or cleavage as possible, guys probably hate it.

Do not channel your inner Lady GaGa if you want to get a (straight) guy’s attention. There is a reason that you can go out and get 20 compliments from random girls and yet not a single phone number.

Reject the romper.

Match.Mom – Why There’s a Chance I Could End Up with an Arranged Marriage

A recap of my life growing up:
Mom: Rachel, that guy over there is really cute, let’s go talk to him.
Me: No, Mom, I don’t want you to be my wingman.

Fast forward to present day:

My parents just came to visit me in New York, and we had a fantastic time. One of my mom’s favorite activities while she was here was playing a little game called, “Hey Rachel, that guy is checking you out.”

Being slightly oblivious/ambivalent, I don’t typically pick up on that all the time on my own - but luckily Mom was here to do it for me! Awkward.

Now that she’s back in Austin, I guess we can continue with our typical guy-related conversations that go a little something exactly like this:

Me: I met a cute guy last night.
Mom: How tall is he?
Mom: How does he feel about moving to Austin?
Me: I don't even know his last name, so somehow his height and future living preferences didn't come up...

or

Mom: Hey my friend has a cute, tall son.
Me: Does he live in Texas?
Mom: Yes
Me: That does me no good...but thanks?
Mom: I'm just letting you know.

Are we starting to sense a pattern here?

Thinking that maybe it was just her, a new gem was added to the mix when one of HER friends PUBLICLY stated on Facebook that she would fix me up with her son after looking at our NYC photos.

My mom's response? “Send his info to Match.MOM.”

This is my life.

A Major Reason Why I Probably Can’t be in a Relationship

At the moment I can’t commit to anything. I want a dog more than anything, but I know there is no way I can handle that sort of responsibility. Instead I will be resigned to lurking creepily outside of dog parks. Awkward.

I haven’t been able to commit to a co-ed beer league sports team. Once a week (or more!)? Ha. Do you want me to go ahead and change my name and open a joint checking account while I’m at it? I did recently get recruited for a team, though, but thank goodness I’m an alternate. Baby steps.

At the beginning of the summer, my sweet grandma generously sent me money to get my hair highlighted. After attempting to make a salon appointment, I started to freak out about the inconvenient maintenance schedule – too much required commitment! So instead I used the money toward a new Tory Burch purse – a good purch. so I don’t feel like it was given in vain. Sorry, Dolo, but it’s really cute.

I’m hoping this is just a stage.

I Don’t Want to Spend the Rest of My Life Saying We Met at ‘Da Club

I’ve always appreciated the story of a good ‘meet cute’ as they say in Hollywood – a couple’s first encounter. Something about the kismet from a unique story has always seemed so romantic.

With the last few guys I’ve dated, I have had fairly good answers to the too-be-expected, “How did you too meet” inquiry. Before the classic Lure of the Lobster Halloween incident there was the college boyfriend who I got to know during a first-semester workout class at the U.T. gym. “We met in P.E.” always sufficed as a good story since he clearly had to really like me for me since I was dripping with sweat, and not in a sexy way.

I can’t help it now, though, when quasi searching for a serious relationship, to insist on wanting to date someone I meet in an exceptional way. I would much prefer a, "He stuck his hand through the closing subway doors to give me his business card,” to a, “I met him at Tenjune,” not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Unfortunately I spend substantially more time gussying up for a night in Meatpacking than I do for any of my trips on the subway. Such is life...I will probably die alone.

Texting Case Study: Creepsters

I get some text messages that are the virtual equivalent of cat-calls from sketchy guys loitering around Kips Bay. Like, no way, “Oh hey there luscious I wanna get wit that,” is ever going to work, buddy. Anyway, sometimes I give out my number to ok-seeming guys to regret it after just one text.

For example:

2:30 am: “Why am I still thinking about you?”
3:15 am: “Still remembering the white dress???”

2:00 pm: “Hi sorry to keep bothering you but I can’t stop thinking about you.”

4:45 pm: “Not fair, I like you and want to get to know you.”

We met at 1 am for 15 minutes, we are not soulmates.