Guide to Great New York Visits

My mom came to visit for a long weekend and it was a fabulous trip. Since I've lived here, she's only been in the company of my dad or my grandma so it was fun for her to fly solo.

Because she's been here so many times (and lived here when she was my age), I wanted to give her an experience rather than just another trip. Apparently having your mother experience life in the East Village where you might have minimal graffiti on your door can be a cause for parental concern.

But she survived.

Another goal for the weekend was to cross off a few activities on my "I Won't Get Around To This Unless Someone Is Visiting" List.

And it was perfect on both accounts.

Since this blog is also my only form of journal, bear with me while I remember all the fun we had:

Eating

Duh, of course this is what I think about first. Not only because I love to eat but because I like to eat good food. And since I've moved into a neighborhood with amazing food options - both well-recognized/expensive and quick/cheap - I've been making mental notes of great places to take guests. Friday night after my mom arrived, The BFF and I took her to one of our semi-regular places Tree, which was featured on Food Network's Best Thing I Ever Ate.

Saturday afternoon we had an extraordinarily delicious brunch at Momofuku Ssam Bar, and that night we ate our Longhorn football feelings at Hill Country BBQ. Sunday morning I took advantage of an opportunity to use up produce in my fridge and whipped us up a mushroom tomato frittata and apple cinnamon pancakes for brunch, and later on I introduced my mom to the pizza most likely to give you a heart attack at Artichoke. After all this great food, I was a little surprised that she considered our lunch by my office (Dishes!) to be the culinary highlight. In her defense, it is amazing.

To wash it all down, over the course of the weekend we had approximately 400 cups of Dunkin' Donuts pumpkin coffee. It's just so good when it hits your lips. If you are in proximity to a DD, I highly recommend try it. (For you Southerners, there is a weird Dunkin' Donuts infatuation here which was one of the hardest cultural differences to overcome. I can now say I'm a convert.)

Daytime activities
When the weather is nice, there's really nothing I love more than walking and catching up so on Saturday mi madre and I took a long walk down the West Side Highway along the water, through SoHo where we spotted my reality celeb BFF Bethany Frankle (celebrites get deemed 'bff' when you see them more than once, according to my logic). Even though my mom has no clue who Bethany is, referring to her as Brittany multiple times later on, seeing someone who is being photgraphed by paparazzi always seems cool and "New York-y." Yes, I am a great tour guide.

After that we walked down a street fair and then on through the Union Square Greenmarket, which has become one of my favorite Saturday traditions. In all seasons it is just beautiful, but fall is to die for.

On Sunday after our stay-at-home brunch we met up with my science experiment neighbors to cheer on our lovely friend Nicki in the NYC marathon. I don't know what I've been doing the past two years, but I've somehow missed the entire production. I'm so glad we managed to see her at the 18 mile mark and again around mile 23. Spoiler alert: cheering is more fun than running, according to my knees.


Night activities

Casual nights catching up over board games and beers at Common Ground in the East Village is a great way to start a trip. (Although I might have had more fun if I actually won.)

Since my mom and I both have short attention spans I figured the hour long show Fuerza Bruta, a very interactive/interesting experience in Union Square, would be a fun Saturday night. FYI, if you're visiting NYC or in the city and want to go, I highly suggest getting "rush" tickets two hours before the performance. For $25 it's totally worth it. $75? Not so much.

On my aforementioned list of things I've wanted to do, Sunday night we went to see the long-running improv show ASSSCAT 3000 at UCB Theater. It was hosted by two semi famous comedians and featured two regulars on 30 Rock. If you're keeping track, I've now seen and/or met five people from the show. (Any day now, Tina and Alec, any day.)

Monday night I had bought us tickets for a launch part for Jessica Seinfeld's new cookbook through Gilt City (an off-shoot of Gilt Group which I would recommend signing up for if you live in NYC). Jessica, wife of Jerry, sneaks veggies into tons o' recipes and, because I'm a weirdo who thinks I need to know how to cook for children even though I have nothing in my life, I was super excited. Plus I was hoping and praying that You Know Who might show up. To say I'm a Seinfeld enthusiast is an understatement.

And - drum roll please - he did! And I screamed "OMG MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!" loud enough for strangers to hear me. Awk-ward. And yet perfectly amazing.



All in all, it was the perfect trip! Here's a few photos:



"Little Girl, Big Apple" is the title of this shot,
according to the photographer.



Elle, former (not really, just on hiatus) blogger for Do You Fancy Us, stopped by

so my mom could "put a face to the blog"



Just two cool gals hanging out at an exclusive party with celebreties, per usual.



Who can resist such a good photo op?



Part of my neighborhood photoshoot. Yes,

these are the activities I think are fun. Please note

my vintage mink coat. I am very fancy.

Fuerza Bruta. They let you take pictures which is half the fun.



And they should probably put me in the show.

I Don't...

Seriously, could I have found a better, more feeling sorry
for myself picture?

Today I don't believe in finding love. I don't believe in soul mates. And I don't believe in happy endings. (In the fairytale sense, not the other sense, because those do exist in Asian massage places all over the city. I mean, so I've been told. I promise I don't know first hand. Ew, bad pun.)

Things I do believe in:

• Bad karma
• Disappointment
• Rejection
• Unmet expectations
• Loneliness

Welcome to my Monday. In other news, I am PMSing like a crazy person so perhaps that could be an underlying motivation for the most melodramatic blog post of all time.

(And, yes, this post deserves any forthcoming lecture from my mom or The BFF on the wonderfulness of my life. I know, I know, it will be okay.)

P dot S: I still owe a recap of my mom's awesome trip to visit me, I promise it will be more uplifting than this nonsense.

And How Are You Tonight?

So I was all set to come home from my favorite Thursday night tradition of Anti-Gravity Yoga, cook some dinner, and blog about my mom's fantastic trip to visit me last weekend, but then I realized my DVR is more important than you. TV is actually my favorite thing in life ... well, besides food. Yeah, there I said it. But hopefully someday I might get real things to focus on like love or a family, but for now I have NBC and I'm totally fine with that.

In case you're as TV-judgy as me, here's a recap of my weekly shows just so you can decide whether or not we might be friends in real life:

30 Rock, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, Gossip Girl, Community, The Office, and Mad Men (I miss you, Don!). In terms of reality TV, it depends what's on the air, but currently I'm watching MTV's Cut Throat Challenge (I'm real live friends with Laurel!! She dominates in case you haven't seen it so you should check it out) and Keeping up with the Kardashians (I will literally die if I run into any of them while they film their next season in NYC).

Oh and Food Network is our third roommate.

Okay so do I have a point to any of this? Nah not really. I just really wanted to feel less guilty about spending the next three hours gloriously sprawled out in front of my TV, drinking wine, and packing for my fun weekend in Philly with Ashley.

And in honor of me turning on my favorite show 30 Rock, here are three glorious things I've found this week:

Jack Donaghy's Life Lessons: 16 Pearls Of Wisdom You Can't Live Without


{Thanks to S for sending me this (who is herself a grad student so therefore the worst ;)}

Fifteen things you didn't know about Tracy Morgan
(Who doesn't love TJ?)


{Thanks to my cousin Alicia for sending me this. If I could meet one person in New York, it would be Tina. And if I could meet her and not pee my pants or lick her face or anything else on that level of unretractable awkwardness, that would be icing on the cake.)

P dot S: Not really related, but one freakin' day after I blog about the horrible, unforgivable awkwardness that is Facebook Poking, the guy I met on Halloween (Kenneth The Page) who I've gone out with a few times did it. Shudder. Is there no decency left in the world?

There Is Nothing More Awkward...

...Than accidentally "poking" someone on Facebook. And by someone I mean a cute guy you might be "researching" (by researching, yeah I mean stalking, fine you caught me).

Sorry I'm an aggressive clicker. Now you're telling me there's no way to retract?? Of all the features you can "undo" why isn't this one of them? Yeah, okay fine you asked me if I was "sure" about wanting to commit the most unforgivable of all Facebook abuses, but clearly I am too busy to read those notices.

Oy.

And I don't think sending a follow-up message highlighting that I was just trying to stalk his (super cute) new profile picture but instead accidentally under-clicked on the most ahhhhwkward feature on Facebook makes it any better.

Does it?

P dot S: The runners-up for Most Awkward Facebook Behavior include:

- Accidentally "liking" someone you aren't actually friends with in real life's Facebook statuses, especially if it's something like "Susie McGotFatAfterMarriage is having a horrible day and can't fit into her pants"

- Typing someone's name into your status update instead of the search bar (it's way too easy to do on this on mobile FB applications)

The only reason unintentional (or intentional) poking wins is because dear God what were you thinking when you invented this, Mark Zuckerberg? I haven't yet seen The Social Network, but maybe they show him strung out on drugs or following through with some dare when he comes up with the idea?

P dot S Part II: There's an entire Tumblr devoted to Awkward Facebook. Hello time-waster of the day.

You Know?

When life is just too much fun and/or exhausting to sit down to write a real blog post? No, you don't? Well it's sort of a great feeling. Because it means that maybe you've done something besides sit around in my sweatpants for 48 straight hours. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...)

But then you feel guilty. Because what if someone is bored at work and stops by your blog for some entertainment and you're all, Dude, my mom has been in town since Friday and there has just been no time. Go, Go, Go. Otherwise known as me right now. But a recap will come soon enough. It involves celebrities. And eating. My faves. Yes, I am a name-dropping fatass, but that's why we're friends, right?

P dot S: I've finally accepted that it is in fact jacket weather. Ugh. Busted out my long peacoat. Gross. But it's also Dunkin' Donuts Pumpkin Coffee weather. So I'll take it.

Match.Mom Success Story: Engagement Edition

Two years ago this week, 2008 Election Night to be precise, I hung out in New York with my friend Lauren discussing our favorite topic: boys. And, you know, politics. So it's only fitting that things have come full circle around election time again.

A few weeks later, she headed back to Austin to finish her degree, we went on the best trip ever, and then she moved to Houston to start a new job selling tween baby T's (or something to that effect, let's just say it was no Bergdorf's, her NYC employer...).

Not long after she got to H-Town, Lauren went to a family friend's engagement party where she met her parent's neighbor. The woman asked if Lauren was single and informed her that she was "shopping for a girlfriend for her son." Lauren told her "yes, completely" and turned on her patented charm.

The happy, photogenic couple. Mazel tov, yall.

Soon after, Lauren and Thomas started dating. From the start it was serious, as you can read in her Guest Blog Post recapping the Match.Mom success.

But then he got transferred to Tulsa. Hmm. What to do, what to do? Well, the thing that I love about Lauren is that although she's incredibly smart and well-grounded, but she totally trusts her gut.

And so she followed a boy she was sure was The One to Oklahoma (not an easy state to venture to if you're a die-hard Longhorn, I assure you).

[Not really a part of the story at hand, but Lauren also got a puppy around this time. I'm only mentioning this to build up the jealousy stakes.]

People might have thought it was too soon, too far, too uncertain. But she followed her heart.

Now she's engaged. And has a dog.

What do you have? You're health maybe? That's cool.

Moral of the story: Believe in love. Be flexible for the guy of your dreams. Buy a puppy. And maybe hear your mom out when she tells you she's got a great guy she wants you to meet.


P dot S: Lauren, aren't you glad you spent your time two years ago creating your wedding invite list? That CGS will totally pay off, what a time saver! I just hope you haven't made too many new friends since then...

This is the actual ring, not an ad. Stunning, right?
[Insert jealous comment here.]

It Finally Happened...

No, I didn't get a puppy. Or win the lottery. Or anything else remotely exciting.

But a guy did give me his business card as I waited for the subway after work. Unfortunately he wasn't my type (read: not cute...not even remotely...IAAB), so when he gave me the polite out by asking if I had a boyfriend, I totally took it. Ahh the speed and agility of which I grabbed hold of that fictitious relationship excuse - especially from the girl who always feels awkward saying she's off the market when she actually is - was impressive. And probably totally transparently fake. Oh well. He asked.

After I politely walked away toward the train that had just arrived, he followed me to ask if he could ask me another question. Asking "Can I ask you something else?" is annoying. Asking "Any chance you'll break up with your (fictitious) boyfriend any time soon?" is more annoying. "Me and Fictitious Boyfriend are very happy," I assured him. Otherwise known as "I Already Rejected You Once, This Is Becoming Uncomfortable."

Anyway, that didn't stop him from insisting I take his business card, which informed me that he's on the legal team for my office building. Hooray for potential awkward encounters in the future!

The weirdest part, though, was the fact that I looked horrible. I don't mean that in a self-deprecating "Aw gosh darn I don't look my prettiest" way, I mean it in a "Break-out-blemish-dry-skin-combo-and-maybe-try-taking-a-shower-so-you-don't-look-like-a-homeless-person" way.

Then it all made sense. It has nothing to do with me. It's the The Universe, it is whack. My dating mojo has returned, and I've somehow shot to the top of the Singles Bell Curve.

The attention has been a nice incentive to keep faith that maybe I won't die alone (and will hopefully make my mom feel comfortable sending me family member's wedding websites whereas last week she worried she might be "provoking" my CMS...).

So, although I rejected Lawyer McTooManyQuestion-Asker, I did accept a date with a guy I met on Halloween who was dressed like Kenneth The Page. (Mostly because I'm obsessed with 30 Rock.) But also I figured I might as well make the most of the fleeting attention.

So tonight I drink wine in Gramercy. And the rest of winter I sit at home, hibernating in my sweatpants, and wait for my prince charming. I think that is a fair compromise.

(I know, I know, I better do some other stuff because otherwise this blog will get uber boring, and no one wants that! Especially the girl who has to write the boring posts.)