WWLFW: Women Who Like Funny Women

Obviously I'm all over this considering everyone knows what a girl crush I have on Mindy Kaling, but did you know how cool Diablo Cody (real name Brooke Busey) is too? Well, she is.



I want to be friends with both of them! I totally agree about the nerdy caddish guy theory. And about Rob Lowe's biography. Poor pretty, nerdy Rob!

(If you're extra-bored today, here's the link to all Diablo Cody's Red Band Trainer interviews, which I just discovered are technically sponsored by Lexus, and somehow knowing the fact she's banking on this makes me like her all the more. You go, Glenn Coco!)

Coming To America

Besides for work-related trips to Indiana and New Jersey, Spiros has spent limited time in the US so I felt like it was my duty to give him the realest perspective of American life that I could.

Which is why I insisted on tracking down the nearest Chipotle to our downtown Denver hotel. And also why we watched a lot of TV.

"Conan is really funny," he assessed. I gave him the entire NBC/Leno saga whether he cared to know the back story or not.

I introduced him to other favorites too. "Tina Fey is half Greek. Once I embarrassed myself in front of Tracy Jordan's entourage Grizz and Dot Com at a movie premiere after party." "The way Ice T treats Coco is how I want a man to treat me. Also, one time I embarrassed myself in front of them in an elevator." "Go back to sleep, this is my favorite cooking show Chopped. I once met that judge at a cooking event and really embarrassed myself in front of him."

Hmm seems to be a trend.

Then on Saturday night while flipping through the channels (just like an average, non-long-distance couple, aw), I realized the 2008 presidential election movie Game Change was premiering on HBO. "Are you ready for your introduction to the circus that is American politics?"

He was whether he wanted to or not. (Because he is incredibly sweet and accommodating, and I am me.) We both thought it was really well done (Julianne Moore is eerily good), and I realized I might need to live under a rock for the next eight months because I don't think I can stomach any more presidential campaigning. (Can We the People please pledge to stop insisting presidential candidates make promises they clearly will never be able to fulfill due to the structure of our government? Checks and Balance! It's not just up to them!)

But his favorite part of my homeland? A Coca-cola with every meal. When I questioned this bizarre behavior - nothing I'd witnessed in Berlin or even when he came to New York - he answered, "It's because I'm in America!" I really rocked his world when I spotted Mexican Coke at the store. I felt like an enabler, but who am I to crush his American dream so early on?

Anyway, Spiros seems to be embracing the idea of the good ol' US of A. "There is just so much space! Everything is so cheap!"

Should be interesting to see what he thinks of Texas when he comes next month.

(Yes. He is meeting my family. Gulp.)

Oh By The Way

I'm sort of in an international long-distance relationship. 

For a girl who used to refuse to date guys who lived in Brooklyn because it was "too far away," I don't know how this happened either. 

Well, I do. 

Spiros, aka The Greek, is genuine. Everything he's promised, he's lived up to. He's the real deal. 

And he came to visit. For ten days. 

To be honest, I was beyond freaked out by how long that was. I mean, it's a lot of time to spend with anyone. (Just ask my mother how I do after about day five, typically.) 

Plus try looking attractive for that many consecutive days. Especially coming off 30 days of non-showering, sweat-pant wearing, and leg-hair growing. Sexy!

But it was perfect. So, so perfect. 

The only time I got even remotely annoyed with him was when he made a disparaging comment about Kate Middleton. 

Apparently the better part of a decade he spent living in Jolly Ol' England didn't leave him with a fondness for the Royals. Don't worry, I set him straight about Kate! ("SHE DID HER OWN MAKEUP FOR THE WEDDING!!!!")

Going to university there also left him speaking British English. My favorite thing to say to him is, "Are we still speaking the same language?" As you can imagine, much hilarity ensues.

Except for when I'm hungry. But luckily Spiros is a smart guy. "Do you need to have a snack so you don't get angry later?" 

Anyway, the two of us spent a few days exploring Denver, soaking up the early Spring weather, and even making a stop at another aquarium together before we headed to Steamboat to ski. 

Did I mention Spiros learned to ski for me? 

More on everything later. 

This is just to say: I am happy. 

PS: According to the profesh photographers, the two of us make a very "Hollywood" couple, whatever that means. (I assume it means "We are trying to butter you up so you pay ridiculous amounts of money for these pictures" but I don't care.)

My Biggest Fears

Sure I get nervous on a dark street alone, worry about the health of my family and friends, and obsessively check to see if I have something in my teeth, but for the most part, my biggest fears are all insanely irrational. And that's how I like it because then I'm never really forced to face them.

What kinds of stuff am I talking about?

Well, getting trapped in an elevator with a pregnant woman, for starters. I/d blame it on every 90s sitcom watched by my generation growing up that had this scenario in the plot line around season six or so, but I've talked to friends and apparently it's just me who's scared to death about the possibility of having to deliver a child inside of a metal box whilst suspended in the air. Even Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman would have a tough time in that situation! Good luck to them, I say. 

Then there's the phobia of a bird flying into my head, specifically my oral region. I mean, my head is quite sizable. I'm like a magnet for birds (I think they can sense my fear). And above all, I don't do a very good job of paying attention when I'm walking. It's a recipe for disaster, and way more likely to happen than the one above. Like, am I going to be expected to carry out living my life once I've been involved in a freak bird make-out accident? How am I going to get over that?  I guess moving out of pigeon-infested New York was a good thing, although Denver isn't much better. Literally a gaggle of geese is raising a ruckus in the park across the street. (Having been attacked by a swan on two separate occasions, it's no shock I can barely leave the house here. Or maybe it's just because I'm lazy. Oh right, that one.)

Anyway, in addition to these issues, I think a new fear has developed, or maybe it was latent all these years, waiting until now to come out.  

Marriage. The idea of it, doing it, having it, wanting it, all of it. 

Scary as shit.

Still, though, not as terrifying as snakes. It has nothing to do with poison and everything to do with the poor stereotypes and imagery with which society labels them. While I was raised not to be racist, I am a full-fledged snakist. (And SUCH a good pun-maker!)

What am I to make of all this? Am I a lunatic? (Rhetorical.)

I guess I'll just have to face each of these fears as they come along, and in the mean time, avoid the park across the street. There are so many of them.

When It's Just Too Much Work

Before I left New York, I had a conversation with my friend Elle (who I miss a ton!) about the new man in her life, and how it was just so easy. Unlike her last boy, who she always felt expected her to be "on" all the time, now she was with a guy who brought out the sweetness in her. Sometimes it's just nice to be nice, ya know?

And many times when you're dating a guy with whom your favorite activity is batting it back and forth, that can be a hard transition to make. Like, sure, I can love playing tennis with someone, but that doesn't mean I want to snuggle on the couch, talking to them in a Khloe Kardashian Odom Baby Talk Voice (TM).

You see, it’s all fun and games when you first start dating. If I’m only seeing a guy once a week, obviously he’s going to get the best version of me. If good banter is what we have, then great banter is what I’ll bring. But that can only last so long. I mean, it’s not like my ability to make clever comebacks disappears, but eventually they will be toned down because it is exhausting being that witty. 

Soon you’ll start to realize that when you fall into your typical girlfriend routine, replacing sassiness with sweetness, things begin to feel weird. You notice a distance and think he’s changed, when really, you’re the one who isn’t the same. 

A perfect example of this is my friend Jim. There's a lot of chemistry, but it's the kind of dynamic that was work. We tried, it failed, and now we are friends. 

Or at least we will be if he ever stops texting me about how in love he is with me. 

Here are a few of my favorite selections:

From my wild New Year's Eve. 

Trying to get in good with my 'rents, typical.

I really am holding out for that introduction with my soul mate.

Hooray, Charlie

Today is my younger brother Charlie's birthday. It also happens to be the closing day on a new house for him and his wife. And one time he was named UT's Engineering Student of the Year. Did I mention he's working on his PhD? Once an older woman told him he was "f*cking gorgeous."

Thank goodness we don't believe in sibling rivalry.

Anyway, happy birthday, Charlie!

Here's a pic from a few years ago. Why am I the only one boozing?

PS: Also, please don't have kids before me. Give me something, c'mon, man.

I Am A Bachelor Enabler

I have a very love-hate relationship with The Bachelor, which I hoped would lay dormant while I was staying with a non-Bachelor-watching friend, but unfortunately I can't make myself stop. It's too hard when my New York friends are (non-ironically) sending Bachelorette party email chains that spiral down into Ben-bashing, spoiler-sharing rants. I must be in the know!

Personally I don't give a shit who he picks, I'm just hoping the producers have an extra special surprise up their sleeves and strap him down for a haircut. BEN, 1994 Jared Leto called and he wants his hair back. For the love of God, some bangs, just anything!

Anyway, through the non-hypothetical aforementioned email chain, a friend sent the link to former contestant Ashley (from Brad's season)'s Tumblr Say No To Cosmo. All I have to say is that girl is about 1000% funnier than I gave her credit for on the show (and I liked her then too).

So, if you are going to be glued to your chair tonight for the capital D baby mama drama puh-lease do yourself a favor and die laughing at this. I mean, she's just saying what we're all thinking:

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How does Chris Harrison do it? That man deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.