Guest Post: Inspirational Match Dot Mom Case Study

[Ed. note: To continue with the Match.mom theme, I asked my friend Lauren to write a little something about her upcoming wedding. Because she's a smart girl who has good insight that might be inspirational to those of us who are so jaded about finding The One. But mostly because I want to show you an awesome friendship montage where Lauren refers to me as being "really cool" and not in a sarcastic way.] 

Match.mom – THE ENGAGEMENT  and a look back.

So much has changed since the last time I contributed to Rachel’s blog. Last year, I wrote a post highlighting the merits of letting your parents play matchmaker. At the time I was at the height of a romance with Thomas – a relationship that began because his mom set us up after our parents became neighbors. Little did I know huge changes and tough decisions were just around the corner. First of all, my boyfriend got transferred to Tulsa for his job, and I quit my awesome (paying) job in Houston to move with him. With that, came renting a house together, buying furniture together, getting a new job, and co-parenting his dog Abbey and my new puppy Eleanor. Needless to say, last May brought big changes to my life.

I would like to mention that I am not a huge proponent of doing a massive upheaval of your life for a guy you’ve only dated 6 six months. And neither are my parents. But before I committed to the move, I told Thomas, “I am only moving to Tulsa if we both agree that we will be getting engaged within a year of me moving there.” And to completely get everything out on the table, I added, “from the second I move there, every single day until we are engaged, I will have a nagging insecurity in the back of my mind that there’s a chance we won’t end up together and I will look like a huge chump for moving. So if you wait around, I will probably start acting crazy.” Luckily, this revealing moment was met with love and reassurance, so I quit my job and adopted Eleanor, my beautiful Australian shepherd. Fast forward six months, and Thomas proposed on our front porch on November 1, 2010, after dating for 387 days.

To any twenty-something girl reading this blog, please consider me to be exactly like you. I have had some really good relationships that ended badly, and some awful relationships that ended terribly. I have been in love multiple times, and had my heart broken a couple. I have casually dated countless guys that I knew were bad news from the beginning, but stuck around because I liked the attention or just wanted someone to fall back on. I have first date horror stories. I have made bad decisions that I knew were bad decisions as I was making them. I once literally said out loud (while crying on the phone to my mom), “I’m going to be alone forever!” So by the time I was 24, I had lived out every single bad dating cliché and nearly became one myself.

I just want you to take that in to consideration if you’re single and wanting a serious or meaningful relationship. There is nothing about me that made me more likely to marry the man of my dreams. I’m not super sweet, overly religious, abnormally beautiful, or anything else that tricks guys into fast proposals. The only thing that worked in my favor was deciding that I would only date guys that lived up to what I deserve, and end it with those that didn’t. You can’t marry your dream guy if you date a less-than-dream guy. JUST SAYIN’!

Anyway, on to the second most awesome wedding of 2011… Within two days of our engagement, I had the church and the reception booked. I have always known that I wanted to get married at my childhood summer camp, Camp Balcones Springs, in Marble Falls, Texas. Not only did I go to camp there for five years, but my family has a lake house in Marble Falls, and it really feels like home for me. Plus, the camp has a blob and delicious chicken fingers.

Planning a wedding in Marble Falls is challenging enough when the entire town does not have one single mariachi band, and you have to do your cake tasting in a trailer home. Not to mention, I am trying to do all this from Tulsa. Doubly annoying. Luckily, my mom doesn’t work and I have no problem delegating things for her to do. Just let me say – no matter how creative or crafty you are, hire a wedding planner if you can afford it. It’s kind of too late for me to do that at this point, but I seriously wish there was someone I was paying to be stressed out instead of me. My other piece of advice: do not spend too much time looking at bridal magazines and wedding blogs. They make even the lowest budget, catering hall weddings look 1000 times better than yours will ever be. These blogs, with their selective photography, are the equivalent to airbrushing in fashion magazines. There is no way to compete. But of course, I still am, which is the main source of my stress. Hopefully, it will pay off in the end. And no matter what happens, we’ll be married and that's good, I guess.

One thing I have done that will perhaps make my wedding stand out is the way I have organized my bridal party. We are getting married in a small catholic church, with a very narrow altar. This means, there was no way to physically fit all my awesome best friends up there. So what the groom and I decided is that our bridesmaids and groomsmen would be just family members,  and to make sure everyone knew how much we loved our friends, we have created a group of “Best Friends of Honor.” All the acknowledgement, without the headache and expenses. Everyone wins. This is where I will leave the post for now, and please watch below to see how I asked my pals to be my best friends of honor.

Austin Recap

This is so sweet it makes me
want to puke. In a good way. Obv.

The trip home to Austin was fantastic as expected. It had been four months since I was there for Christmas and my brother’s wedding. Between soaking up time with my parents, brothers, sister-in-law, Dolo, college BFFs, and beloved dog Jesse, it went by way too fast. Because you care about every second of it, here's the recap:

Prom photo style.
It is that time of year. 

Friday evening two of my college BFFs Keaton and Ellen came to dinner at my parents’ house followed by my quasi-date with Match Boy (more on that later because I need to stretch out this trip so I have something to write about!). Although I wish I had more time with my friends, I’m excited that Keaton is coming to visit for a long Memorial Day weekend in a few weeks. Ohhh giiiirl, just you wait.

Saturday was a day of perfection: Maudie’s breakfast tacos, walk at Town Lake (top 5 favorite places on earth), Water for Elephants (my first Robert Pattinson movie ever), happy hour on the boat on Lake Austin, dinner with the fam, and the date with Match Dot Mom Guy (hold your horses). 

Sunday the entire fam all went to church and brunch followed by a perfect day on the lake with my friend Mere and her new boyfriend, who I’d never met. Nothing like evaluating the quality of a friend’s beau like a solid three hour stint in captivity with my family! He passed with flying colors. And even though I’m still selfishly sad that Mere no longer lives a bus ride away, I’m so happy she’s happy. 

Sunday night I had more Maudie’s with my aunt and uncle. It’s not a trip to Austin unless I see them! My aunt has been like a second mother to me and always way too generous. During dinner I finally remembered to let her know that she has given me my most prized possession: A (now paint covered) navy J.Crew hoody. It’s the most ridiculously worn article of clothing I own. And when I put the hood up, I feel very Eight Mile, which is good for my sort of sometimes ghetto neighborhood. I'm sure you're lives are enriched knowing this little fact about my life... 

From there we dropped my dad off at home (we slowed down the car enough it didn’t hurt when we pushed him out the door) and darted off to the movies to see Something Borrowed. Because why not, I was on vacation! My favorite part of this movie was New York, particularly when it lingered on a shot of Spring Lounge, a bar I’ve gone to on a regular basis since I moved to Manhattan over three years ago. Not because it's the best place, although they do have a good draft beer selection, but because it’s always full of guys. Shocking.

Monday I had a now-traditional catch-up lunch with my friend Mary since she went home for Mother’s Day, followed by another catch-up lunch with a family friend, her husband, their two-week-old baby and their 165 pound St. Bernard. Tiny babies plus gigantic dogs equals my version of heaven. Seriously. Amazing.

And before I left town, my mommy took me to Target. Because even though I behaved enough like an adult to pack my own suitcase before I left, let's be honest, I'm still not totally a grown up yet.

(And I plan on milking it for all it's worth.)

Oh, because I don't think this post has reached its dog photo quota yet, here's one more for good measure:

This is his stoic face. 

Match.com vs Match.mom

I mentioned last week that I decided to make the most of the large amount of time I dedicated to filling out the grueling Match profile and go on a date with a guy who emailed me.

We met out on west 6^th street at J.Blacks, me with two of my favorite college gal pals in tow.  Sorry, ladies. There are two ways a guy can handle the friends: He can get them on his side (buying a drink helps) or he can try and steal away your attention. He failed.

The embroidered shirt he was wearing did not help. Nor did the fact it somehow came up that he shaved his chest. Neither are my style. Oh, and small world, he went to school with my older cousin.

The next night I had my date with the guy my mom set me up with. I got a text from her on Thursday giving me a heads up she met a cute guy and passed along my information. He emailed me shortly after. He was far more worried about it than me. I mean, this is what the woman does. Plus my mom is super shallow (“I chose to marry for looks”) so I knew he’d at least be cute.

We met at one of Bachelor Brad’s bars Dogwood. (Speaking of, he used to bar tend with him in college. "He has no personality." I think all of America already knows that.) 

He was late. Personal pet peeve!! Strike one. But he made for it. Taaaalllll, good looking, and oh so easy to talk to. We had a great time, ending the night with the aforementioned late night bite at Magnolia.

Even though Austin is growing a mile a minute, it’s still a small town to me. Going to high school and college there, I always know I’ll run into someone from the past. While I was on the date, I saw a former college roommate (hi!). It was great to run into her, less exciting to run into two guys from high school (friends of the ‘The BFF is a great reader’ guys I saw during the fall).

And I’m 99% positive Match Boy was there too. Because that’s how it is in Austin.

So in the end, Match.mom won out. Because she is more discerning about what I'm looking for shallower. 

Happy Mother's Day to the Best Realtor in Austin

[Ed. note: This post was paid for with 25 years of tolerating me.]

Greetings from my bed in Austin! I'm currently suffering from a massive Magnolia Cafe food hangover (wait, why was Mag Mud and a gingerbread pancake necessary at midnight last night?). Before I spend the day on the lake - I know, be jealous! - I just wanted to give a Mother's Day shout out to my mom and grandma. After I came very close to missing my flight because I'm a moron who sucks at traveling, we have had a great weekend of having fun, what we do best.

And speaking of the best, I wanted anyone in the Austin area - or anyone considering moving to Austin - to know that my mom is an awesome realtor (who will also become your best friend). She'll do whatever it takes to find your dream home or sell your current property. Seriously, I'll call her and she'll be like, "Oh I'm just doing some gardening at this home so it looks better." Talk about dedication.

She just switched to a new company Realty Austin, and we had "take your daughter to work" day on Friday. The company is great; not only do they understand technology, they actually use it in a way that makes sense to me. (Since joining, my mother has transformed into a technology snob, which I find hilarious. Yes, mom, I know what SEO is...)

My grandma on the other hand, while incredibly 'with it' for an 80 year young lady, thought LOL meant 'lots of love' and wrote it on my cousin's birthday package. (This is the precocious 10 year old cousin who offered me some notes on my reading at my brother's wedding. Do you know what LOL means? Uh, laugh out loud, duh. Oh, well I meant something else.)

Anyway, it's been a fantastic trip so far and I'm so glad I could spend time with them both.

LOL,
Rachel

P dot S: Not to be outdone by Match.com, Ol' Match dot Mom fixed me up with a random guy she met through work last week. Obviously I'm not joking. More details to come later...the suspense must be killing you.

Thirty Dollars Later

As it turns out, I actually have quite a few friends on Match (calling it that instead of Match.com sounds a lot cooler, right?). After hearing the pros and cons of it, a few months ago when I was feeling particularly curious (and or lonely), I created a free profile. I'm too lazy to do it for New York because that would require me actually going on dates (the worst!), so I made it for Austin to "test the water" in case my mother gets her way and I move back home. (She would consider that WINNING.)

FYI, just signing up is super time consuming, like it takes forever. Luckily I was smart enough to just steal half the crap in my "about me" tab (blog pays off!) so I sound like as big of a tool as I do on here. Somehow though I kept getting all these email notifications about guys "winking" at me and other nonsense. I guess I chose good pictures? But since I just did the free trial, I couldn't see who they were from or respond to them.

Whatever, plenty of escapades were going on in my real life so I didn't care. Plus the idea of shelling out $30 whole dollars was too much. Even though I can spend $30 in five minutes at Duane Reade or at 3 am on a drink, cab ride and some late night pizza, for some reason $30 on meeting my soulmate was unthinkable.

Until I got a coupon. (The BFF loves to mock my pension for "saving money" because it almost always causes me to spend money that I wouldn't have normally spent.) It literally saved me maybe $5, but it was the incentive I needed. Sort of like any free-shipping offer is all I need to press click. Otherwise that extra money and 5-7 business days will totally kill the mood.

So in my first 24 hours of full-court Matchdom I got TWO emails from guys I know. Seriously, Austin, this is what you have to offer me? The first was a guy from high school a few years older who at one point I briefly had a thing with and the other was a guy from college who I thought was smokin' hot and he felt the opposite about me. Nostalgia. Gross.

After that I didn't do more than open the emails on my phone and judge the thumbnail picture of the guy, and if he sent one, his message. Don't get me wrong, I'm very vain and love nothing more than receiving notes about my beauty. That part is nice. The fact that they were coming from wildebeasts in Buda was not going to fly. As shallow and stuck-up as you might think I am about New York dating, you have no idea about when it comes to Texas. It's unbearable.

Fast forward to a few days ago. I got a message from a guy who passed my automatic height/location/attractiveness check, even getting bonus points for his dog rescue volunteering. I responded and told him I was coming to visit this weekend.

Turns out he's from Austin too, but has spent the past few years in New Orleans and just moved back less than a month ago. He's scheduled to come meet me and some friends out on Friday night. (PS if you're in Austin and want to meet up, let me know!).

We started texting yesterday, and today we're FB friends. Things are moving fast. By the time my flight lands at noon on Friday, my mom will probably have picked out a wedding venue and scheduled me a dress fitting.

You'll all be invited, obviously.

PS: Happy Cinco de Mayo. I haven't celebrate lately, mostly because I was on probation from the holiday, but since I'm flying home early Friday morning, I thought why not, I love self-inflicted hungover air travel! 

Anyway, to get me in the spirit of things, here's two classic pics of me, S, and The BFF from a legen-wait-for-it-dary Cinco de Mayo party in college at my ex's frat. I'm not sure how, but the night ended with me crashing a House of Tutors party in West Campus, stealing some chicken, and winning the M.I.S. business fair. (That story will mean nothing if you did not go to UT, or even if you did. But it was hilarious. Maybe you had to be there?)

Where did we get this dog?

And why on earth does The BFF have a hook? 

A Little Sunshine Goes a Long Way

On Friday night I went to a fun girls dinner at San Marzano, a spot in the LES that has a $30 all you can eat pizza/drink wine pre fixe. Not nearly as rowdy as the Sushi Kumo experience, but it was still great. Three words: truffle oil pizza. Mmm.

We were also celebrating one of my fave gal pals M's new job. (M is a former sorority girl from a big Southern school too, and when she told me the news, the Woo Girl celebration was a bit much for the tiny restaurant. Oh well.)

Unfortunately, as much as we wanted to have a crazy night with the girls, we were both fighting the Fadeout Fear. M does not tolerate that BS, and she reminds me that I shouldn't either. Downing wine when you're antsy and annoyed has a tendency to propel you toward some closure. Two text messages later, we were both done.

Now that The BFF is coupled up, M has turned into my go to wingman . Not only is she pretty and fun (pre-recs), but she's the most over-achieving dater I've ever met. Seriously, just hearing about her social life exhausts me. That being said, I'm hoping some of her dating ambition will rub off on me.

Especially considering we're embarking on the greatest time of the year: Pre-Summer. Pre-Summer is the time when it warms up to sundress and Frying Pan weather before everyone heads out of the city each weekend. Basically May 1 through Memorial Day. Much like all those years growing up, we're waiting for school to be out. Except now we have jobs that don't end just because warm outside. (Depressing.)

This fleeting time is perfect for roof top happy hours (and hopefully building up the roster), but even the simple things like leaves and flowers, puppies and babies, sunshine and blue sky make everything better. Sometimes you just have to surround yourself with that and then the world seems a little happier.

I didn't take this pic because I'm lazy, but this is literally
the corner of the park where we were. Google is magic.

And that's exactly what we did on Sunday. After M and I had (brunch and) 16 Handles, we laid in the grass in Tompkins Square park listening to random live music. (I also talked about how 20 years ago we never would have been there because that park was known for being full of heroin shooting homeless people. Thanks, gentrification, for making our time there possible.)

Maybe it was the inner Austin hippie in me, but that's just what I needed to salvage the first Pre-Summer weekend. And the fro-yo helped. That was a good call.

P dot S: M shared this with me yesterday, it's great: Open Letter to the Men I've Casually Dated

At Least I Know It's Not My Cooking

I get asked about how writing this blog affects my dating life. Short story: It has not gone well lately. On Thursday I had my first 'that isn't my style' lecture from Red Flag Guy. Whatever.

Then on Friday TK was being shady. I called him out on it and was left with a "Read the blog this week..." text about how he didn't think he could handle it. I responded, "Fair enough. Glad to know it wasn't my cooking." Nothing back. [Insert mental I Told You So here.]

In hindsight, maybe I should have implored more caution when writing about the first guy with potential that I've met lately. But at the same time, I'm sorry I'm not sorry.

I'm of the belief that you might as well know what you're getting into with me, and the blog is a concentrated version of real life Rachel. Sometimes I do, write, and say awkward things. Sometimes I'm funny. Sometimes I'm insightful. Sometimes I'm crazy. I can be a handful. I have a big personality. All of this can be good. And all of this can cause problems. So basically, if you can't handle the blog, then you probably can't handle the real thing. And there's nothing wrong with realizing this sooner rather than later. I am impatient; I do not like to waste my time.

(Random note, but is it just me, or have you always wondered how it worked with Carrie's column in Sex and the City? Did guys read it and think she was insane? Because some of her articles were crazy...crazier than my posts!)

Casual dating with the blog is the hardest part. When I had a serious boyfriend, I had a better filter about what was bloggable and what was not. I took his feelings into consideration, and I asked permission about topics I knew he would have an issue with. (Like the time totally out of the blue when he told me that "if we had kids, they would be raised Jewish." Um, excuse me? Peter Pan thinks about procreating? Has hell frozen over? If so, can we go ice skating?)

So if I can find a guy willing to survive the initial gauntlet, then I believe I'll be able to have my cake and eat it too. (I mean, I'm obviously not the kind of girl who has cake sitting around that she's not eating.)

But it's not just the necessity of finding someone who is tolerant. I need someone who is supportive too. That was one of the best things about J (besides his incredible knack of ordering the best entrée). He was insistent that I had talent and pushed me to do more with it.

Granted since then I have failed to find any momentum in terms of accomplishing my goal to write a book, what with spending my time on my very consuming job and going to the gym to combat all that cake eating. Oh and then there's my new hobby of sabotaging potential relationships. Sigh.

However, even if I never make a cent from all this over-sharing,  I will still be glad I've been writing. It's cheaper than therapy, it lets my friends and family keep up with my life, and when I'm old and lame I can look back and think my god I sure was awesome. 

(Thank goodness that this recent rejection hasn't hampered my healthy self-esteem.)